Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving?

There's no worse feeling in the world than loneliness. Or so it seems. Whenever I get lonely, which seems to be happening more and more often, I tend to do dumb things to try and get over it. Like go on shopping sprees and spend money I don't have. Or start fooling around with a man I wouldn't be caught dead with by my family and friends. Or put off studying in search of more exciting things like parties.

And here I am, once again, sitting at Barnes and Nobles when all my friends have taken flights to go home and visit their families for thanksgiving. Yes. That feeling of loneliness is creeping up on me. I know this because I've been sitting here for 2 hours and rather than study, I've been reading blogs and searching for a good spa to go get a deep tissue massage. This is the first time in my life I've found myself in a city with no relative in site. This is certainly the first time in all the years I've been in the US that I'm spending thanksgiving without my family. And I'm hating it. I could be at home right now, doing grocery shopping with my dad, trying to beat the lines. I could be arguing with my mom over what time we should wake up to start cooking. I could be bossing my brother around to get him to do the cleaning before the rest of the clan shows up tomorrow. My cousins keep calling and asking why I'm not going home for thanksgiving. I'm not immune to the economic mess. Especially after the kind of year I've had. When my dad can't even afford $400 to bring his daughter home for the holidays, you know things are bad. But, I still applaud my parents for all the sacrifices they've made this year to help other family members who've certainly needed the help.

I have a Kenyan friend around here who has a few relatives and they're getting together for thanksgiving tomorrow. I'm invited, yet I feel like I'm intruding on a private family event. Whether or not I go depends on how I feel when the time comes. If I don't go, then I'll just have to rent movies and go on a cooking spree. All my favorite joints will be closed anyway, so I'm doomed to stay at my apartment. What a depressing thought. And on top of that, I'm supposed to average 6-8 hours of studying everyday for the next 5 days. Yet, I can't concentrate. I'm too busy dreaming about summer and trying to come up with a good project so I can spend the entire summer in Kenya rather than make a quick visit and have to come back and work as an intern with some random doctor. I'm too busy missing my family, and eagerly awaiting christmas, the one time I'm gonna see my family on a happy occassion this year where no one is sick or mourning. I can't wait to close out what has been one of the most difficult years of my life thus far. Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for this year, but a lot to be sad about also. Perhaps looking ahead to January 1 can be one more thing to be thankful about. It'll be the beginning of a new year. One, hopefully, filled with new beginnings. Once again, I ask myself what the hell drove me to move so far away for school when I didn't have to. Right now, I can't think of a single good reason. Yes, happy thanksgiving indeed.

Monday, October 27, 2008


In celebration of successfully finishing our initiation into medicine (buh bye gross anatomy!), we had a huge party on Friday night. Not only did our class show up, our profs, deans, and TA's were present. For some strange reason, I get a mildly uncomfortable feeling during such events. Students, alcohol, and Deans don't mix very well in my opinion. After a couple of drinks, professionalism almost always goes out the window and a lot of inappropriate behaviors are exhibited. While I enjoy meeting my profs and deans in a casual, laid-back setting, I'm always careful to maintain an appropriate level of respect and professionalism. Just cuz we're not in class does not give me a leeway to suddenly start dropping "F" words every other sentence. Maybe it's the Kenyan in me. But, I lost a lot of respect for some people that Friday. There's just something strange about seeing your prof drunk and staggering around. But, there's something even stranger about seeing a fellow student drunk and throwing herself at an equally drunk TA. I just can't look at these people with the same level of respect. Who woulda thought? I guess I'm a little conservative after all. And I'm gonna be skipping the halloween party on Friday.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Getting Political

In the last few months, I've met so many ignorant peeps mpaka they pushed me to become more active in politics. It started with a small donation online, then came the T-shirts, then the volunteering. Finally, I attended a rally to hear the words straight from the horse's mouth, minus all the pundit BS on TV. Hence, my first political rally. If you've listened to McCain-Palin lately, I hope that's enough motivation to go out and vote if you're eligible, or volunteer for the Obama campaign, especially on election day. I took these photos at the rally, and for the record, is this man hot, or is he HOT!! (Of course, that's not a reason to vote for him, but having a good-looking president can't hurt).

Hiatus over...sort of

I'm finally rearing my head (Palin alert!) after a very, very long unplanned break. What can I say? Life is full of domino effects. I'm sure I've missed out on plenty of hot topics in the blogosphere, hopefully I'll catch up with time.

So what's new with me? My boyfriend (ex-) Steve proposed this past summer. Obviously, I said no and that relationship went to hell after that. It was the most unromantic moment of my life. (Who the hell proposes over the phone, a day after making up following 2 weeks of fighting, and after a year of long distance? Where's my ring? Obviously, that's not the reason I said no, but seriously!?) On the other hand, I can't believe I held on to that relationship as long as I did. Lesson learned: don't get too serious with a guy if you have no intention of settling down anytime soon, even if he pretends that he's willing to wait for you as long as it takes.

After a week of moping around and totally neglecting my schoolwork, I pissed my friends off enough for them to drag me to a birthday party. I never regretted it, as I found me a hot boy toy to help me get over Steve. Except, the boy toy has one side that screams "RUN!" and another side that has the potential to make me fall for him really hard. But, I do enjoy playing with fire and my curiosity is preventing me from running, so I'm gonna stick around and see what happens. At least he's the most intriguing person I've ever met and being the judgmental person that I am, I'm having trouble pegging his character down and that's driving me crazy.

On the brighter side of things, I did start med school and so far so good. I just can't believe how busy it is! I was prepared for busy, but I don't think I fully grasped that concept. Between spending hours in Anatomy lab (2 more weeks!), six to eight hours at Starbucks studying everyday, volunteering, shadowing, and tons of meetings, it's a wonder I even have time for my new playboy. But, he does come in handy for those stressful exam weeks. His massages are off the hook.

Ok, will try and keep this baby updated. I really do miss blogging, and there are days I have must-blog-moments that I should share. So hopefully, I stay with it. In the meantime, happy week blogging everyone!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Tuesday Blues

It's not Monday, but I'm still singing the blues. What can I say, I'm missing my baby. Or more accurately, I'm getting frustrated with being in a long distance relationship. At first, I didn't wanna even attempt it. Of course, I don't know a single couple that has survived one of these LDR's. More often than not, one person cheats, or the couple drifts so far apart that they wonder what happened. That was my line of reasoning, but somehow, I was ok with giving it a shot. Why not? What was there to lose.

So, here we are. Nine months later. A lot has happened in nine months. Tragedies, sickness, meeting the clan, even a near proposal (that I unknowingly squashed by describing my ideal engagement ring, leading to a postponement of the plan....thank God for brothers who keep you in the loop). When I think about it, he's everything I could possibly want in a man. Of course he's got his weaknesses, namely, I wish he were more ambitious and aggressive. But then, we can't have two such people in a relationship, otherwise, there'll be fireworks daily. Yet, I crave those fireworks.

I feel like I'm simply going through the motions of being a girlfriend. We've talked every single day since I moved, had a few fights too, but nothing we couldn't work out. Now, I don't even initiate the phone calls. When he does call, I find myself getting impatient and wondering how fast I can get him off the phone. Lately, I've found myself wondering when was the last time we shared a good laugh, or had a good conversation. I can't remember. I consciously made a decision that will lead to my not to seeing him this summer, choosing instead to put my family first. Perhaps it's the stress of the last few months that's taking its toll, or maybe the looming life and death surgery of my favorite uncle that's got me distracted. Whatever it is has really done me in this time. I've always been positive that the two of us would somehow end up together, yet I find myself questioning if I really wanna make that commitment. All evidence screams "yes", but still...

On another side note, anyone ever been to a Nonini concert? Wanna venture an opinion? I'm on a mission to meet more Kenyans in this city (although I'll admit that a Nonini concert is probably not the place to go looking for friends). But, I'm not looking to make friends as much as I'm looking for party friends. I don't understand the American bar culture. At least I can dance at a club, but none of my new friends seem to enjoy the clubbing scene. I find this strange as it is the complete opposite of what I'm used to. Before I moved here, I'd never been inside a bar. Anyway, back to Nonini concert, is it worth attending?

Tuesday, June 03, 2008


Hard to believe, but I am a political junkie. Every single issue facing us as individuals or as a society can be traced back to the policies enacted by our politicians, and as such, I believe it's everyone's responsibility to know and keenly follow what is going on in politics and take an interest in issues that affect our lives. Never in my years spent following politics have I felt this happy and hopeful for a country. Indeed, I was afraid to do the one thing that Senator Obama encouraged his supporters to do: BELIEVE. Yet, here he is tonight, making his nomination speech.

For obvious reasons, this is a historic moment in this country. The fact that an African American man is running competitively to become the next president of the world's superpower is amazing and truly meaningful, not just for Senator Obama's supporters, but for every single person in America as this reflects on yet another chapter in our history. If you are a black person living in America and have tried to explore territory that is primarily considered "white", then I'm sure you can have a personal appreciation for what Senator Obama's victory could potentially mean. Whether it's at work in corporate America, or in other institutions where your skin color subconsciously raises eyebrows as to whether or not you "really" know what you're doing. I feel hopeful that perhaps this will open a door to improve race relations in this country and encourage more minorities to step out of their comfort zones and aim higher; and those that do, I hope this opens a door for them to be evaluated more objectively based on their qualifications, rather than stereotypes based on skin color.

And so tonight, I join all of Obama's supporters in saying CONGRATULATIONS. As much as I would have loved to see a woman take that mantle, it's obvious that we don't have the right candidate for that yet. Ladies, our time will come. For now, I'll bask in the knowledge that the economy and healthcare (especially healthcare, where my passion lies) in this country will be greatly improved in the next few years should Obama become president.

I look forward to August 28, on the 45th anniverssary of Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech. I look forward to hearing what Senator Obama has to say on that day, and how he will honor the King, who helped pave way for this day.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Puppy Love

Unable to sleep, I decided to work on my PowerPoint presentation while listening to some background music. Then this song started playing and for a brief second, my entire first romance came flashing through my mind. I love the way songs have a way of capturing a moment so perfectly.

It was around 5:30 p.m on a Wednesday and as usual, Mike was over at my place hanging out. We had already spent the last three months pretending to be "just friends", even though by this time, he had given me a single red rose, told me how hot he thought I was, given me countless little pecks, and we had even developed a little routine. He would come over to my house every weekday at around 4:30 after school. We would sit and watch TV or talk about nothing in particular. Then at 5:30, we would go for a very long walk which usually ended up at some hills where we would sit and watch the sunset. Then he would walk me home, say bye with a hug or a peck and turn around and leave.

On this particular day, we were sitting on the couch talking with the radio on in the background. We were getting ready to head out for our daily walk, and I had just reached for the remote to turn the stereo off when K-Ci and Jojo started singing. That song had just come out and was a new hit. Out of nowhere, Mike asked me to dance, and feeling a little shy, I agreed. The first minute or so was ok, then I started noticing things for the first time. I noticed how tall he was, my head was resting on his chest. It seemed like for the first time, I could smell his scent, which was clean and slightly perfumed. I became aware of my own heart beat, and started paying special attention to his hand wrapped around my waist. I also noticed an odd feeling that I'd never experienced before.

As soon as the song was over, I pulled back, but Mike did not let go of my waist. Instead, he stared at me intently and I had no choice but to look into those deep brown eyes before quickly looking away and blushing. Then I noticed him for the first time. Really noticed him. He was actually very good looking and had the whitest, sexiest smile I have ever seen on a guy. My body seemed to be experiencing all sorts of weird sensations and my heart was almost jumping out of my chest. I needed some fresh air. As I made the move to disentangle myself from his grip, he lowered his head and before I could digest what the hell was going on, his lips were on mine and his tongue was busy trying to pry my mouth open. Finally, I gave in and parted my lips, and a few seconds later, I heard an "ouch".

Effectively, that moment was dead. Poor guy was holding onto his mouth while I apologized profusely. Yes, I bit his tongue. It was my first kiss after all. That day, our walk seemed different. We didn't say a single word to each other and when we finally reached our spot on the hill and sat down to watch the sunset, he uttered his first words. They were words of advice on how to kiss. Somehow, I should have been embarassed, but the way he put it made me at ease and we even laughed about his bitten tongue. He went on to give me tips and we had plenty of practice after that.

Our little routine continued for another few months before I moved to boarding school to start form one. We never officially decided we were dating, and we never officially said goodbye. As quietly and suddenly as he had entered my life, he was gone. He gave me a really great first impression on relationships. I've never seen him nor heard from him since, and I do wonder whether he ever fulfilled his dream of becoming a lawyer. Maybe someday we will bump into each other. It's not an entirely strange hope. It is a small world after all. Cheers to all first innocent loves. There are days I wish I could rewind the clock.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Confession is Good for the Soul

I'm up three whole hours before my alarm goes off (why?!) and I thought it might be fun in a twisted kind of way to follow HnH's lead and confess. Yikes!

Cruelest thing I have ever done (so far)
Way back when I was in primo, I was very shy and withdrawn. Needless to say, that meant I wasn't one of the popular kids since I preferred to read and mind my own business. It came as a surprise to me (and a lot of classmates) when I became friends with one of the most popular kids in the class. Of course being popular comes with a price tag, so I took it upon myself to start bullying and teasing another shy, quiet girl. This only made me more popular. I called her names in front of the whole class, and even though I hated the feeling, I kept at it. It wasn't until I saw her in my church a month later that I was utterly mortified. Turned out she actually went to my church and my mom and her mom were friends. I never apologized, she never said anything to her mom, but I never teased or bullied her again.

One thing that I have ever done that I regret
Agreeing to go out on a date with a certain DJ after a year of being friends and flirting like crazy during his gigs at bashes. I knew it was a bad idea from the beginning, but I went ahead and stifled that little voice in my head. I have never been so sorry in my life. That was the last date I went on before I met my current boo, Steve.

One thing I have ever done that was wrong but I didn't regret
I stole Steve's phone (which was dead), went and bought a charger for it, read his text messages, then called him and told him about the stolen phone (hence my first hilarious posts on this blog titled "psycho-gal"). In retrospect, that was the best thing I ever did for our relationship...LOL..I can feel some guys flinching...

Best revenge I have ever had
When I was in college as an undergrad, I had a Kenyan roommate that was actually the best roommate I've ever had in my life (as far as co-existing in the same space goes). Over the course of the year, we became good friends, so it came as a complete shock to me when I found out she was sleeping with my boyfriend. First thing I did was kick her out (we lived in the dorms, but I didn't care). She was a member of one of those online Kenyan forums and she had a sexy-sounding name and was very fond of bashing other people's looks whenever they posted their photos. Since she ain't all that good looking, I found the worst possible photo of her and posted it on that website. That post got over a thousand hits and all the comments the photo received were negative. I was very satisfied.

Worst fantasy
You know, hate is a very strong word. I generally don't hate people (at least not for very long), rather I dislike them and if they're really bad, like roommate above, I dislike them intensely. But, there's one person in my life that I hate and abhor for forever screwing me over. For that person, I always fantasize that they die a very slow and painful death that involves beatings, torture, and eventually, fire. Yeah.

Worst lie I ever told
As an undergrad, I was one of those studious students that every teacher loves. One day, after a weekend rendezvous, I woke up to the realization that I had an exam that week that I totally forgot about. Since I would need more that the two days I had to study if I wanted to get an A, I wrote my prof an email and told him that I was out of town for a funeral (I don't even remember whose funeral I said it was). I skipped class that week and after the exam, I went to his office and started sobbing uncontrollably (out of guilt), saying I was having a hard time concentrating and I didn't think I could take the test and pass. Well, that day I learned it pays to be a teacher's pet. Let's just say I didn't have to take the exam and wrote a paper instead. I still feel guilty and I could never look the prof in the eye after that. I didn't even go to him for a recommendation letter, even though I knew his would probably be one of the strongest letters I will ever get in my life.

One person I would kill if I could get away with it
See "worst fantasy" above

Moment I wish I could reverse
One summer, my family took a road trip and I somehow met a Kenyan guy that was everything a girl could ask for. He was doing his Ph.D, was very hot, and after a few hours spent together, I knew he had a good personality. We exchanged email addresses and kept in touch for a year. The next summer, I decided to do an internship at his school, and of course this was a fling waiting to happen. Back then, I was still a commitment phobe, so I made it very clear that this was a summer fling and nothing more. On my very last day there before I left, he used the "L" word. My reaction is something I wish I could take back. I've broken plenty of hearts, but I've never hurt a guy as bad as I hurt him.

One (bad?) thing I would really really like to do before I die
Make out with another girl...

There, now I can get ready for class. Looks like I'll be making plenty of trips to Starbucks to help me get through the day :(

Monday, May 19, 2008

Life Sure Ain't a Bed of Roses

I just looked at my last post and it seems like that post was written a decade ago. I still can't believe it's only been five months since the year started on a sour note politically and spiralled downhill from there in my own personal life. While I was posting about blogging responsibly and trying to get together my friends and family to donate to the victims of election violence, I had no idea that my own family was about to fall victim to the sudden violence that creeped up on us. From there, it was one piece of bad news after another. I will probably get to blog about some of it in the coming weeks.

Amid all the tribulations, I can still look back and be thankful that things were not worse. I was afraid that I would somehow lose my spot in med school after my grades went south due to all the personal ish I was trying to deal with, but I do thank God that somehow, I made it through and will be matriculating in August. Another lesson learnt: never underestimate the power of love, be it from family, friends, or a lover. It makes all the difference in the world.

Special thanks to the few concerned bloggers that sent me emails wondering where I disappeared off to. I'm back now. My posts might be a little intermittent, but they'll be there nonetheless!

Friday, January 04, 2008

Online Donations for Violence Victims

Like many KBW members, I have been in search of an organization that's currently involved in the humanitarian efforts in Kenya and accepts online donations. As Mutumia's post indicates, such organizations are scarce to come by.

I have contacted the Adventist Development and Relief Agency (ADRA) and requested that they put up a link on their parent web page so people can donate online specifically for the Kenyan victims. As it stands, they do have a branch in Kenya and they are responding in the humanitarian efforts, but like the Kenya Red Cross Society, ADRA Kenya's website does not have a provision for credit card donation. The earliest I'll get any feedback from them is Monday. I'm praying that this works. We really need a place to make donations.

Let me also take this opportunity to thank everyone who is working to help our country in whatever way they can. And to the KBW community, please remember: BLOG RESPONSIBLY and be mindful of the kind of comments you make.