Has it Really Been a Year?

Damn! How fast time flies! Can't believe I haven't visited the blogs since last year. Well, I can't close the year without a single post. Oh, what school can do to you.

Was just reading my last post and remembering how depressed I was a year ago. It's true, time does heal all wounds. I am 100% over my ex, the death of my favorite unce and father figure doesn't hurt as much anymore....even my academic performance and finances have improved.

But, I'm still really bad at picking men. I think it's a disease. I keep joking to my family that they need to do one of those arranged marriages for me or else they'll end up with the weirdest in-law they've ever heard of. After all, I am turning 26 in less than 2 months and all my friends seem to be jumping the broom and popping out kiddies like popcorn machines. That little fact hasn't gone unnoticed by my family. Why in the hell would my aunties and grandmas ask me on a monthly basis whether I found a "new catch" (who uses such phrases?) My parents, who were always anti-marriage while in school, are suddenly worried that I'm not being "social" enough. My dad bluntly pointed out to me this past summer that I'll be graduating in less than 3 years and once I add that "Dr." title to my name, it's gonna be exponentially harder to meet eligible men (instinct tells me it'll be the opposite, but with Kenyan men, you never know). One of my aunts is even using phrases like "import a husband from Kenya"....gotta love these people.

All in all, this has been a progressively good year. After having a complete meltdown, the school year ended well, I spent the summer in Kenya doing volunteer service and meeting lots of hot, single, successful men (my love of Kenyan men was forever renewed), my second year in school is more stress-free, and I'm involved enough with community service that I'm finally feeling like my motivated, passionate self again. Even the social scene in this God-forsaken, middle-of-nowhere city has improved and if it wasn't for the lack of family, I might even venture to say I'm kinda starting to like it. Although I'll be damned if I stay here for residency!

And of course, can't forget to thank God for making all this possible. 2008 was a horrible year, 2009 has been a tolerable year, and I hope 2010 will be a successful, purpose-filled (and fulfilled) year. Cheers!

Happy Thanksgiving?

There's no worse feeling in the world than loneliness. Or so it seems. Whenever I get lonely, which seems to be happening more and more often, I tend to do dumb things to try and get over it. Like go on shopping sprees and spend money I don't have. Or start fooling around with a man I wouldn't be caught dead with by my family and friends. Or put off studying in search of more exciting things like parties.

And here I am, once again, sitting at Barnes and Nobles when all my friends have taken flights to go home and visit their families for thanksgiving. Yes. That feeling of loneliness is creeping up on me. I know this because I've been sitting here for 2 hours and rather than study, I've been reading blogs and searching for a good spa to go get a deep tissue massage. This is the first time in my life I've found myself in a city with no relative in site. This is certainly the first time in all the years I've been in the US that I'm spending thanksgiving without my family. And I'm hating it. I could be at home right now, doing grocery shopping with my dad, trying to beat the lines. I could be arguing with my mom over what time we should wake up to start cooking. I could be bossing my brother around to get him to do the cleaning before the rest of the clan shows up tomorrow. My cousins keep calling and asking why I'm not going home for thanksgiving. I'm not immune to the economic mess. Especially after the kind of year I've had. When my dad can't even afford $400 to bring his daughter home for the holidays, you know things are bad. But, I still applaud my parents for all the sacrifices they've made this year to help other family members who've certainly needed the help.

I have a Kenyan friend around here who has a few relatives and they're getting together for thanksgiving tomorrow. I'm invited, yet I feel like I'm intruding on a private family event. Whether or not I go depends on how I feel when the time comes. If I don't go, then I'll just have to rent movies and go on a cooking spree. All my favorite joints will be closed anyway, so I'm doomed to stay at my apartment. What a depressing thought. And on top of that, I'm supposed to average 6-8 hours of studying everyday for the next 5 days. Yet, I can't concentrate. I'm too busy dreaming about summer and trying to come up with a good project so I can spend the entire summer in Kenya rather than make a quick visit and have to come back and work as an intern with some random doctor. I'm too busy missing my family, and eagerly awaiting christmas, the one time I'm gonna see my family on a happy occassion this year where no one is sick or mourning. I can't wait to close out what has been one of the most difficult years of my life thus far. Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for this year, but a lot to be sad about also. Perhaps looking ahead to January 1 can be one more thing to be thankful about. It'll be the beginning of a new year. One, hopefully, filled with new beginnings. Once again, I ask myself what the hell drove me to move so far away for school when I didn't have to. Right now, I can't think of a single good reason. Yes, happy thanksgiving indeed.

Un-professionalism

In celebration of successfully finishing our initiation into medicine (buh bye gross anatomy!), we had a huge party on Friday night. Not only did our class show up, our profs, deans, and TA's were present. For some strange reason, I get a mildly uncomfortable feeling during such events. Students, alcohol, and Deans don't mix very well in my opinion. After a couple of drinks, professionalism almost always goes out the window and a lot of inappropriate behaviors are exhibited. While I enjoy meeting my profs and deans in a casual, laid-back setting, I'm always careful to maintain an appropriate level of respect and professionalism. Just cuz we're not in class does not give me a leeway to suddenly start dropping "F" words every other sentence. Maybe it's the Kenyan in me. But, I lost a lot of respect for some people that Friday. There's just something strange about seeing your prof drunk and staggering around. But, there's something even stranger about seeing a fellow student drunk and throwing herself at an equally drunk TA. I just can't look at these people with the same level of respect. Who woulda thought? I guess I'm a little conservative after all. And I'm gonna be skipping the halloween party on Friday.

Confession is Good for the Soul

I'm up three whole hours before my alarm goes off (why?!) and I thought it might be fun in a twisted kind of way to follow HnH's lead and confess. Yikes!

Cruelest thing I have ever done (so far)
Way back when I was in primo, I was very shy and withdrawn. Needless to say, that meant I wasn't one of the popular kids since I preferred to read and mind my own business. It came as a surprise to me (and a lot of classmates) when I became friends with one of the most popular kids in the class. Of course being popular comes with a price tag, so I took it upon myself to start bullying and teasing another shy, quiet girl. This only made me more popular. I called her names in front of the whole class, and even though I hated the feeling, I kept at it. It wasn't until I saw her in my church a month later that I was utterly mortified. Turned out she actually went to my church and my mom and her mom were friends. I never apologized, she never said anything to her mom, but I never teased or bullied her again.

One thing that I have ever done that I regret
Agreeing to go out on a date with a certain DJ after a year of being friends and flirting like crazy during his gigs at bashes. I knew it was a bad idea from the beginning, but I went ahead and stifled that little voice in my head. I have never been so sorry in my life. That was the last date I went on before I met my current boo, Steve.

One thing I have ever done that was wrong but I didn't regret
I stole Steve's phone (which was dead), went and bought a charger for it, read his text messages, then called him and told him about the stolen phone (hence my first hilarious posts on this blog titled "psycho-gal"). In retrospect, that was the best thing I ever did for our relationship...LOL..I can feel some guys flinching...

Best revenge I have ever had
When I was in college as an undergrad, I had a Kenyan roommate that was actually the best roommate I've ever had in my life (as far as co-existing in the same space goes). Over the course of the year, we became good friends, so it came as a complete shock to me when I found out she was sleeping with my boyfriend. First thing I did was kick her out (we lived in the dorms, but I didn't care). She was a member of one of those online Kenyan forums and she had a sexy-sounding name and was very fond of bashing other people's looks whenever they posted their photos. Since she ain't all that good looking, I found the worst possible photo of her and posted it on that website. That post got over a thousand hits and all the comments the photo received were negative. I was very satisfied.

Worst fantasy
You know, hate is a very strong word. I generally don't hate people (at least not for very long), rather I dislike them and if they're really bad, like roommate above, I dislike them intensely. But, there's one person in my life that I hate and abhor for forever screwing me over. For that person, I always fantasize that they die a very slow and painful death that involves beatings, torture, and eventually, fire. Yeah.

Worst lie I ever told
As an undergrad, I was one of those studious students that every teacher loves. One day, after a weekend rendezvous, I woke up to the realization that I had an exam that week that I totally forgot about. Since I would need more that the two days I had to study if I wanted to get an A, I wrote my prof an email and told him that I was out of town for a funeral (I don't even remember whose funeral I said it was). I skipped class that week and after the exam, I went to his office and started sobbing uncontrollably (out of guilt), saying I was having a hard time concentrating and I didn't think I could take the test and pass. Well, that day I learned it pays to be a teacher's pet. Let's just say I didn't have to take the exam and wrote a paper instead. I still feel guilty and I could never look the prof in the eye after that. I didn't even go to him for a recommendation letter, even though I knew his would probably be one of the strongest letters I will ever get in my life.

One person I would kill if I could get away with it
See "worst fantasy" above

Moment I wish I could reverse
One summer, my family took a road trip and I somehow met a Kenyan guy that was everything a girl could ask for. He was doing his Ph.D, was very hot, and after a few hours spent together, I knew he had a good personality. We exchanged email addresses and kept in touch for a year. The next summer, I decided to do an internship at his school, and of course this was a fling waiting to happen. Back then, I was still a commitment phobe, so I made it very clear that this was a summer fling and nothing more. On my very last day there before I left, he used the "L" word. My reaction is something I wish I could take back. I've broken plenty of hearts, but I've never hurt a guy as bad as I hurt him.

One (bad?) thing I would really really like to do before I die
Make out with another girl...

There, now I can get ready for class. Looks like I'll be making plenty of trips to Starbucks to help me get through the day :(

Life Sure Ain't a Bed of Roses

I just looked at my last post and it seems like that post was written a decade ago. I still can't believe it's only been five months since the year started on a sour note politically and spiralled downhill from there in my own personal life. While I was posting about blogging responsibly and trying to get together my friends and family to donate to the victims of election violence, I had no idea that my own family was about to fall victim to the sudden violence that creeped up on us. From there, it was one piece of bad news after another. I will probably get to blog about some of it in the coming weeks.

Amid all the tribulations, I can still look back and be thankful that things were not worse. I was afraid that I would somehow lose my spot in med school after my grades went south due to all the personal ish I was trying to deal with, but I do thank God that somehow, I made it through and will be matriculating in August. Another lesson learnt: never underestimate the power of love, be it from family, friends, or a lover. It makes all the difference in the world.

Special thanks to the few concerned bloggers that sent me emails wondering where I disappeared off to. I'm back now. My posts might be a little intermittent, but they'll be there nonetheless!