It seems like the whole world is full of thanksgiving praises today. Everyone is meaninglessly uttering the words "happy thanksgiving" without giving it much thought. But I can't help but wonder what there is to be thankful for. Sure, many people will point at a zillion things that I could be thankful for today, but none of them seem to matter. I just want my best friend back and I know nothing I do or say will change the fact that she's gone. Forever.
How was I to know that she was already dead inside?
How was I to know when she called me early that morning to thank me for being such a great friend that that would be the last time I heard her voice?
How was I to know when she told me she was sad she wasn't just talking about the usual emotional rollercoaster we all seem to ride at some point?
How was I to know that my best friend was gonna take her own life?
I should have sensed it.
She was my best friend.
She called me to say she missed me and wanted to get together for lunch last week.
But I was too busy.
I was too busy to sit down with my best friend for a lunch that could possibly have saved her life. Her family claims that she was happy and no one could have seen it coming. Everyone's still in shock and the constant police presence, probing questions, and the damn reporters are getting on my nerves.
I knew she was dealing with a lot of things.
I just didn't think it would go that far.
I tried to seek help for her.
I didn't try hard enough.
She didn't even say goodbye.
She didn't leave a note.
I don't know what her last thought was.
I am so overwhelmed right now, I can't think straight. This is the worst week of my life. If one more person sends some stupid text message wishing me a "happy thanksgiving", I'm gonna scream.
I am not happy.
And I am definitely not thankful.
No. Not today.
All I wanna do is curl up in a corner and cry forever.
Cry for my friend and all the pain she endured.
So many things I could have done differently.
But it's too late now.
It's simply too late.
24 comments:
from one sister-friend to another, this moment too shall pass. Thanksgiving should not have to be this way for anyone. I wish you peace.
Peace.
Pole
pole maze ...
misery loves company but don't stay there too long.
(((((((sisbigbones))))))
am sorry gal. God be with U.
Pole my dear. will say a prayer for you
may she rest in peace....and may you find peace....take heart and you're allowed to hurt, but hang in there. This too shall pass.
Awww, sweetheart I am so sorry for your pain and what is going on right now. I have put you and your friends family in my prayers.
http://www.swahilicafe.com/articles/10/1/LYING-TO-BE-HAPPY
I thought i should share this article some friend forwarded to me some time back. I feel for you, God knows we don't know how to handle suicide; all the questions, all the missed oppotunities to spend more quality time with the departed, all the what if's and maybe's....ok ok ok enough! Missy you have to find a way to move on after the burial, whats done is done and i know your friend would not have wanted you and others to forever dwell on the fact that she's gone. My heart goes to you and her family and friends.
pole chic.... . I lost my best friend too about five years ago. Time has a way of healing pain...., but now feel all u can, but dont blame yourself. b blessedd
Pole sana....I wish I culd say more to neutralise what you're feeling...."All thats bad ends"...
R.I.P. sisbigbones' freind
Sorry to hear 'bout yu'r friend SB. I hope yu find peace to deal with it. I wish yu well during this difficult time. God knows us best. I ws in the same situation a few weeks ago. Peace SB.
So sorry about your loss!!!I will keep you in my prayers girl!!
That is so sad, so sorry to hear that.
Will say a special prayer for you, and for her...
((((((((((SBB)))))))))
Damn..Pole sana...
Am so sorry and yet there's nothing I can do to erase the pain..Maybe just pray u be able 2 pick up da pieces again...
pole sis. (((((((((SBB)))))))))
my heart goes out to you doll...will keep you in my prayers!
Oh man. I'm truly, truly sorry.
Gal, i hope u r ok. Now am gettin worried about U...
Pole sana.
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