Thursday, November 09, 2006

Decode This for Me

Ok, it's getting a little too serious with all this religion talk. Good topic F.D, it's been awhile since I seriously thought about religion, but I think I'm so done with that for awhile.

Now, back to Steve. He turned 29 a week ago, and he's one of those "I wanna get married and start a family" type guy (can't exactly blame him, he's probably on freak out mode seeing the big "three-oh" is around the corner). Honestly, when we first started dating, I thought it would be another short fling that would definitely be over after a month cuz I thought he would turn out to be like every other guy I'd dated and start trying to talk me into having sex with him. I usually don't become attached emotionally to guys, and can easily walk away unscathed.

The month came and went. I started experiencing emotions I'd never felt before. Somehow, none of my low expectations of him as a guy panned out. Instead, he turned out to be the kind of guy you wish you'd meet, but don't dare hope for. And so we kept dating. After a few months, he made it clear that he was done being in relationships for a joyride and he was looking for something serious. Ok, that's fine honey, except that I'm not looking for anything serious, let alone marriage, kids, etc at this point in my life. So after weeks and weeks of discussing this, we both decided that we should break up before things got too complicated. God knows how short that break up was. So everytime this topic came up, it ended with the line "we should just break up".

Eventually, we decided that it was useless to even try. Whenever I used to think about my future, I imagined myself as this successful career woman trotting around the globe. Marriage and kids never even crossed my mind. Yet, lately I find myself wondering what marriage would be like. Whether or not I can balance a career and a family successfully without going down the "mommy track" or being a horrible mother to my children. Why on earth am I thinking about this? Steve must be brainwashing me with all this bullshit talk.

Ok, so we're in love, but after next summer, we honestly don't know what direction our relationship will take. For some reason, we both seem to think we'll last that long. For now, we're "just dating" for the heck of it as we wait for our fate, the most depressing one being the possibility that I might move to another state so I can pursue a higher degree. That and the fact that we've both decided we want different things out of this relationship and none of us is willing to compromise, which means we have no future together.

So the other night we were just laying in bed talking about a lot of random stuff, when out of nowhere, Steve asked me this question: "What would you do if I got really serious and asked you to move in with me?" I don't know how I got out of this one, but I somehow ended up dodging the question. Now I need someone to decode the question for me. Is he testing me to see how I feel, or was he joking just to get me all hot and bothered, or was he serious? I do realize this is a dumb question to ask, especially since none of you know Steve, but maybe there's a certain guy code that I don't know about. Fire away!

15 comments:

bomseh said...

methinks he wanted the truth.simple. might be he is not sure you would want to move in with him so he wants to make sure so that he can adjust his priorities just incase things go haywire. it is called backup. that's the only guy code i can think of right about now.so just give an honest answer and brace urself for the next question, coz there is one more following that.

Anonymous said...

That's a state of the relationship question. He's gauging the level of commitment so he can figure out how much he needs to bring to the table.

Hypothetically.

Princess said...

Guys don't ask questions like that unless they have given it much thought so I say answer truthfully.

Anonymous said...

Dnt overthink it takke it at face value and answer truly knowing that you will deal with the results of your answer.

Anonymous said...

I agree with makanga. It's a gauge. Your answer will show him your level of committment so answer honestly and be prepared for anything.

Jadekitten said...

I agree with the guys. It IS likely a gauge. Jus be honest, with him, and more importantly, with yourself.

Then again, man ARE from MARS.

Good luck :-)

Quintessence said...

to resonate whats been said answer his question as honestly/truthfully as u can

SisBigBones said...

Ok, so I guess he wasn't exactly joking. I'm such a commitment phobe, I better give this relationship some serious thought.

Anonymous said...

its a question to gauge where u r in terms of the realtionship. U both know that without compromise that the relationship is going to fizzle out..
answer as truthful as possible.. don't move in if ur not ready for a long term relationship

Bee said...

I don't have a comment on the moving togther part but I saw something else that's interesting!!

Date guys+don't sleep with them=No attachment emotionally and break up unscathed

Date guys+sleep with them=Emotional attachment and painfully messy breakup

Which is why some schools of thought advocate waiting until marriage to have sex for women as the chance of breaking up is relatively reduced so the woman can be vulnerable and attach herself emotionally to the man.

Trybless said...

Ok, two points, First and foremost let me give you the guy perspective. If I was to ask a girl to move in with me. It may not neccesarily mean marriage or stuff like that, just wanting more regular sex and a companion.
Second - your comment about being able to move on easily with guys. well this time around its not gonna be like that, once you have intercourse the dynamic for a mama changes. and lastly, sorry for turning you blog into a religous fight for a min there :-)

SisBigBones said...

Kenyangal, that's such a good point you bring up. Although it doesn't explain how some girls are able to sleep around and seem unaffected (I have a particular friend in mind, whose mission in life must be to sleep with as many men as her pussy will accomodate).

@F.D, I think it's a commitment thing. So one step at a time, my parents have been insisting on meeting him (and he wants to meet them), so I guess I'll show him how committed I am by making the introduction. But my parents seem to have this notion that we're getting married, and if they meet him, they'll conclude we're definitely getting married (why else would I introduce him)...

He was talking about inviting me to his parents' house for thanksgiving (I love soul food, I might say yes), but my parents want us to take a family trip which I'm leaning towards saying "no" to, but we'll see.

bomseh said...

family can really complicate things. maybe you are sending the wrong signals namely talking about him too much in the prescence of your family so they think the wedding bells are just about to resonate.on the other hand if he introduces you to his family then he might be having serious plans about ur future both'ya. but at the same time shit happens. i never introduced a woman to my parents unless i was sure i wanted to go miles with them but as it has happened like twice, i still can't explain why i'm single again. i'll never introduce a gal to family again. i can't take the questions as to what happened to fulani na fulani. so this is a trying period for you but mankind is allowed atleast one mistake in life just incase shit happens so don't worry.

Acolyte said...

I guess you shouldnt rush into anything you arent ready for. But also you have to decide what is important to you. You don't want to settle down when in fact you have other dreams but on the other hand for love we have to make sacrifices.
Complicated isn't it?

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