Someone's Trippin' and it Ain't me!

Have you ever found yourself wondering what you would do if someone you love, say your cute "little" cousin, outted (is that a word?) herself to you? What would your reaction be? Perhaps you're the biggest homophobe on planet earth, would your views change because you love your cousin so much? Or perhaps you're the kinda person that's never given a shit whether someone's homosexual or not. I mean, what does someone else's sex life have to do with you, right?

Well, about a week ago, I was chatting with my seventeen-soon-to-be-eighteen year old cousin. She lives in a different state with her older brothers and sister and she's the last born. We all grew up together, had sleepovers, the whole works. I never really paid that much attention to her when she was younger simply cuz of the age difference, and I ended up being close friends with her oldest bro and sis. So this particular night, we talked on the phone a tad longer than we usually do, perhaps cuz she was the only one at home when I called. I was in the habit of saying hi and almost immediately asking to speak to the sis or bro.

I don't even know how the whole conversation started, all I remember is her saying that she was really confused. That statement came out of the blue and I wondered what the hell she was talking about. Without even thinking twice about it, she blurted out "I like girls". It took a few seconds for the meaning of her words to fully register. I didn't have a reaction. Perhaps I should have been shocked, perhaps I should have been surprised, perhaps I should have been...what? I waited for that reaction to come, but it didn't. Instead, I made sure she knew that I wasn't about to judge her. I have quite a few gay friends, and have even had chicks hit on me. I've never given it too much thought, mostly figuring it wasn't my business what people did in their beds.

As she went on to describe how scared she was, I actually felt sorry for her. I know her parents and if they ever found out, she would be dead meat. Especially her dad. Doesn't matter that she's a daddy's girl, he will absolutely kill her.

Her oldest brother found out she was a lesbian by reading a letter (or diary? Not too sure, but I guess snooping around runs in the family...lol). He took her out to lunch and told her that he knew she was a lesbian and wanted her to change (um...hello?) He then went and told their other sister, who acted like she didn't hear. She's never said a word to my lil' cousin about it and pretends everything's the same. At the same time, the oldest bro doesn't even talk to her anymore yet they live in the same house.

I thought she was done dropping bombshells, but boy was I wrong. After another few minutes of talking, she reminded me of a time they'd come over to my house for a sleepover when I was in 10th grade. I actually remember that time cuz after finishing primary school, sleepovers almost ceased to exist. Apparently, that was the first time she noticed that she liked girls because she fell for me (at this point I should really be shocked, perhaps worried? I search for an emotion, but nothing's changed. I'm simply listening). She was almost twelve then and when she went home after the weekend, she couldn't stop thinking about me.

When they came to visit this past summer, she'd been acting very strange and I even mentioned it to the bro and the mom, asking if she was having a particularly bad adolescence cuz some of her actions were totally irrational and dumb. Before I could ask her any other questions, she told me how hard it was for her to spend the week at my house, and she was trying to avoid me because she still has a crush on me. Ok, is this my kid female cousin trying to hit on me? Is she for real! This whole thing felt like a big joke. Of course I had no comment so I chose to keep my mouth shut.

I don't remember how the conversation ended, I quit listening after awhile. This past weekend, she wrote me an email saying that she'd been thinking about me all week. She knew I was her cousin and it was wrong, but she couldn't help it. I read the email as I was running off to work and didn't give it a second thought until she called me last night and asked why I hadn't replied her email. Ok, what the hell am I supposed to say? I know for a fact I have no sexual or romantic interest in girls (I can appreciate a cute booty or nice boobs, but not in a sexual way, sort of like noticing your friend has cute shoes on). At the same time, she is going through a stressful and confusing time in her life, and aside from the bro and sis, I'm the only person that knows she's a lesbian. Well, she trusted me enough to tell me, but now, how do I handle this supposed crush that's been there for years without doing any damage? People her age aren't exactly the most rational human beings on earth.

How do I let her know that I support her in whatever choice she makes and I love her regardless, but I'm not remotely interested in her (or any other girls) and quite frankly, she shouldn't have a crush on me cuz I'm her cousin. All this, without hurting her feelings or building a wall cuz I would still want her to talk to me when she's stressed out. Damn!