TGIF

It's been one of those crazy weeks where everything seems to have gone wrong. My job is ordinarily stressful, but when some people make stupid, careless mistakes, then the stress-o-meter is off the chain cuz then you got the director breathing down your neck every few hours and the supervisor just yelling at everyone out of sheer frustration (not to mention the thousands of dollars gone to waste and the looming media circus that everyone's trying to avoid)...

Anyway, that means that the last time I saw Steve was on Monday night (great sex!) and the rest of the week just sort of went past without my notice. I got to thinking the other day about our relationship. Is it becoming more and more sex-based? I mean, every time we're together, which is not all that often, all we do is have sex. Or is that normal? We hardly ever go out any more. You see, I wouldn't know because he's the only guy I've ever had sex with. Yes, I waited until I was 22 to lose my virginity. Although that is relative. If you have oral sex, are you still a virgin? Is virginity primarily defined by the breaking of the hymen (I bled, but it wasn't as painful as I often imagined it would be. Not to mention that it was actually enjoyable, a far cry from the bitterness my friends express whenever they mention their "first time").

In a way, I never thought of myself as a true virgin before I had sex with Steve. Sure, I'd never had vaginal penetration, more out of fear than anything else really. But, I'd done everything else in the name of "making out", from blow jobs to taking showers together. How the hell I ever avoided the actual sex is beyond me.

Yeah, so I haven't seen Steve all week and knowing that he has his daughter for the weekend, I'm determined to actually do something fun and not sit around thinking about him and missing him like crazy. So today I had coffee with an old friend, G, and dinner with another old friend, D. They both happen to be guys and as I was talking to Steve, he pointed out that I'd been hanging out with a lot of guys lately. It hadn't occured to me that everytime I've told Steve I'm out somewhere with a friend, that friend has been a guy. Was that a note of jealousy I detected in his voice? I tried my best to ignore it and quickly changed the subject. I can't help it if majority of my friends happen to be guys. He didn't sound too pleased and made up some excuse about having to take the baby to his parents' house for a visit and asked me to call him later when was done having dinner with D.

The deal with D is that I used to have a big, huge crush on him early this year. He's one of the most interesting people I've ever met and he has this uncanny way of making me laugh out loud. The kind of laugh where you throw your head back and spit out your coffee (gross! I know) while choking on it at the same time. That's how funny he is. I hadn't seen him since early this summer and the emails were getting a little old, so we decided to have dinner and catch up. Early this year if he'd tried to kiss me, or even suggested that there was a chance we could ever date, I would have jumped at it. Due to unfortunate circumstances, a romantic relationship was out of the question.

Sure, I was a little worried about seeing him again, wondering if the crush would still be there. He's still as cute as I remember him to be, still as funny as hell, ever the gentleman, but thankfully, the crush is gone. The dinner/dessert lasted three hours. Should I be having this much fun hanging out with a guy that's not my boyfriend? When I finally got around to calling Steve to say goodnight, his tone was a little different. He made up some excuse about having to put the baby to sleep and with that, said goodnight. Ok....whatever. I hope he's not seriously getting jealous of the fact that I have guy friends that I actually enjoy hanging out with. If he is, then I've found the first vice in this otherwise angelic man. And it's about damn time. No one is that perfect!