Here's a really bad joke Steve once sent me. Obviously, I don't have photographic memory so I'll paraphrase it and it probably won't come out right, but here goes. There was this blonde bimbo who went to visit the doctor and said, "doctor, I think my breasts are made of water". Puzzled, the doctor was silent for a few moments before asking, "what makes you think that"? The blonde bimbo, pleased with herself replied, "because everytime my boyfriend touches my nipples I get wet"....
Here's another really bad joke. Steve wants to get back with me. Here's the hard part. He enlisted the help of his dad to talk to me. You know, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of men are idiots. Steve insists that he never cheated on me with his ex, and in fact, he hadn't seen her in over a year. Apparently, she started calling him earlier this year and he started reminiscing about the relationship they had. He was still looking for closure because the chick had just walked out on him without an explanation why. His phone calls and emails had gone unreplied and finally he gave up. But, that never stopped him from wondering all the "what ifs" because they had been pretty serious (to the point where he almost proposed). Her latest reason for walking out? She was too busy with school and couldn't handle being in a relationship.
So what does the clever guy do when the chick starts calling him and claiming that she still loves him? He starts fantasizing about what could have been. He feels like he's torn between me and his ex. So he runs to daddy for advice. By the time I was reading that email, he hadn't resolved his feelings. After I asked him about it, he of course told me everything (the fool has always been honest) and I was super mad and just couldn't think straight for a few days. Since then, he's obviously had a chance to see the ex and he realizes that he was simply elevating her onto a pedestal and she's nothing like what he remembered. Hence the reason for his coming back to ask me to give him a second chance. Yes, and his dad agrees with him, perhaps because he adores me and has this image of "the perfect daughter-in-law to be".
Now, guys, please explain this phenomenon to me cuz I simply don't get it. How many times have I heard stories that closely resemble this? How in the world can he even justify us getting back together? He's quick to point out that he knows it'll take time to re-build the trust and all that BS, but seriously!! This is a no-brainer. Of course I need to look him in the eye and tell him to "fuck off" so I can move on with my life. Except....
There is that little matter of love. What a strong emotion that is! Sometimes, I even allow myself to entertain the idea that somehow, I can find it in me to ignore this minor "irritation" that is his ex and try to re-build the relationship. That's when I quickly pick up the phone and call my fav cousin for a pep talk. You know, the kind that goes like, "You are so beautiful, smart, with the personality of an angel. You can have any guy in the world". Or, "There are so many Steves out there, move on already". Or, "You are too young to even be in this situation. Let it go". Or my favorite, "Good heavens! You're starting to sound like those desperate chicks we hate."
Yeah, that does snap me back to my senses, until I go to sleep and lay in bed thinking about Steve. Wondering what he's doing, if he's also thinking about me. And then he'll send a text to say good night, and I know without a doubt that he is thinking about me. I'm seriously tripping, and I really should know better. I SHOULD.
23 comments:
Letting go is difficult! Will be back with a more comprehensive comment when i am awake, sleepy now....
Quite a situation. I'll have to think about it for a while then I'll get back to you.
Your feelings are not going to vanish immediately simply because you have elected to move on!! It will take a while for you to get over Steve because he meant a great deal to you!! It is difficult right now and you will obviously feel torn every time he does something like send you a text saying he misses you or goodnight or whatever else!! That is normal!! You will in fact have moments of weakness when you miss him so much that you think perhaps you are being too rash!! At this point it is mind over heart!! It won't be easy and your feelings won't dissipate overnight!! Hang tight girl!!
@aegeus & archer, I'm waiting for a guy's viewpoint.
@princess, you are so right! sometimes when i picture him even telling his ex that he loves her, i feel so sick and i resolve that he's a good-for-nothing son of a guy. And then there's the times i remember how much he's been there for me the past couple of months when i really really needed someone strong by my side. that simply makes me melt. the fact that he wants to try and make it work doesn't make it any easier to get over him. i just have to avoid seeing him if it kills me. i know i can never resist him if he's actually looking at me.
tell u what-- its really something u will have to come to terms with. are u willing to compromise and let him back in and work things out? not sure if u can trust him? OR are u willing to suffer the worst heartache, get over him and move on? The latter is the tougher choice.
Hi sis,
I know I will get some schtick for this but I am talking from experience, something of the sort happened to me (though not exactly as it did to you) but I did give a guy who cheated on me with his ex a 2nd chance I was way too in love with him.. but it didnt have a happy ending (for him) what happened was after a few months I realised I didnt even like the guy let alone loving him.
The moral of the story is that you may walk away but you will always ask yourself "what if" just like he did with the ex. But if you give him that 2nd chance, you will get him out of your system if he is not the one, but if he is then YOU WIN!
PS: as long as he stops running to daddy....
I will go with half n half, but either way its not going to be easy so just get ready.
A martian view, take it kindly, just wanna help (no expert though, a pinch of salt would do).
You will be surprised that Steve is heart broken too! More because the ex has walked out on him (again! loser??) and when he returns to his consolation prize (you!), you are gone too.
Martians imagine that they can always have their cakes and eat them too. F*** a virgin and expect her to be a virgin always. They need help.
Wherever he is, he has resolved once he gets you back, he will never touch that ex again! Don't believe him, for it is a temporal resolution (he also thinks he is genuine at that). Until he willingly and soberly lets go of the exs and moves on with his life, keep off.
But from your posts, there is a high likelihood you will get back together. In the meantime:
-> Endeavour to not stop your life (sleep, food and stuff). As hard as it is, try your best. You are complete in yourself.
-> Be the smart beautiful angel you are (read don't show any signs of emotional distress or desperation to him).
-> Keep your distance from him, kama ni wako haendi pahali (read give him time to grow up a bit, grow out of running to daddy to settle his Venutian wars and time to decide who he wants in his life)
->Play hard to get (to him and any other Martian) don't feel rushed or punctured. If he is to get another chance, let him work twice like Jacob in the Bible, he will be more careful next time. However you really need to be careful with him, if possible move on.
Last note, he seems to really love his ex, ni venye tu hayuko available. Once she gets 'less busy' his arms may be there for her. Don't let this affect your self-esteem, he is no global barometer as to who is better for who.
Soon you will realize that the earth still rotates on its own axis and that life is still beautiful, Steve or no Steve.
doll...sticky situations, aiye?! Only your heart can decide on what to do or not to do. That said, I'd like to resonate on what was said esp. by mart...absolutely positively agree with him!!!
You said:
Since then, he's obviously had a chance to see the ex and he realizes that he was simply elevating her onto a pedestal and she's nothing like what he remembered. Hence the reason for his coming back to ask me to give him a second chance.
I agree with Mart when he said "Martians imagine that they can always have their cakes and eat them too. F*** a virgin and expect her to be a virgin always. They need help." But I think he needs to help himself.
In our interaction with Venutians, we Martians understand that there is FANTASY (pedestals), and there is REALITY. I believe that my fantasy should NEVER cross into reality. He tried to mix the two when he sent emails or text messages to the ex. The final decision is yours, but if you decide to help him, hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
Please get over urself.
He was truthful to you. I hear that is what most women want.
He made some mistakes.. so have you.. its life no-one is perfect.
Me
The lure of the ex is hard to resist. There is a way - esp if the dude was booted, he would run back at first sign of a resolution. I have been there before but i have learnt that nothing can come of it and leave the ex be. For you the best thing is to move on and start a new chapter in your life - it might not be worth the stress that the ex may pop back and your man goes trooping back to him. Just a thought! Hope you are good sweetie. Huuuuugs
Keep it moving girl! I just think the lure of what could have been was too strong for him to resist but even so it is no justification. Keep your chin up!
Men are shying away from this blog today. Lakini damn you Mart. you are giving all the game away yet it is very true @ ".....
Wherever he is, he has resolved once he gets you back, he will never touch that ex again! ..... Until he willingly and soberly lets go of the exs and moves on with his life, keep off...."
Another thing is that maybe there are some p files that Steve wants close with the ex. All men have. Alafu Mart,Jacob's is my fav story in the bible and it wasn't the woman that made him work twice. It was the woman's (Rachel) dad (Laban).
I am learning things here from you SBB, truth betrays. Honesty is fatal. God Help Steve. He doesn't know what is about to happen. I hope you resolve your issues.
to the left to the left, too little too late and all those other girlie songs!!! As much as I know its the hardest thing in the world (trust me I know!!!) the toughest choice is usually the right one. I shall echo the pep talks...I am sure you are way better than being juggled for his ex. And if this has put a serious dent in your trusting him, I don't know how well it could work...but hey! hugs and tiramisu on me!
ok i learnt something else that if you should choose to go back and mend things you can never use that story of the ex against him or use it in an argument you accept it and shush.
You obviously are in love with Steve..
having said that only you can decide what to do. search your heart..can you forgive and completely forget the exe issue?
I thought I had left a trail herE but inaonekana it was kulwaad!
Hope u did come up with a solution, My advice might be so late now!
Anyway, I think u should follow ur heart!
Good Luck Gal!!
as usual am way late to comment and by now with weeks of silence from you i think you broke up already.
My honest opinion would be you are ready to make a huge decision because of jelousy. Jelousy is a bitch and is never rational, all this advise guys are giving that you should leave him is hogwash, you love the guy, and he loves you. In every relationship there is always emotional conflicts. I still like most of my exes, esp the one that dump me and i can admit that i am very vulnarable to her. but that does not change the fact that I have a woman i love and wnat to make it work with her, dont through love away because you are jelous. As a wise man once said, true love is the ability to love by letting go
My dear, you have been tagged. Seven things we do not know about you. (I know I am shameless - I disappear and return to tag you...)
hmmm.
sis ni how? obviously by now umepata advice bomba...so sitasema kitu. lakini huyu mseeeee, i always thought i was an idiot but this guy takes the cake...
and i hope with your silence things are A-okay now.
"After I asked him about it, he of course told me everything (the fool has always been honest)"
I totally agree with u....that has to be one mighty fool.....doesnt he jua, in times of doubt deny, deny, deny.....what the crap was he thinking...whats he telling the truth for.....anyway the truth shall set u free...hahahahaha...definetly one dumb f*ck
And know for the lady ...quote..
That's when I quickly pick up the phone and call my fav cousin for a pep talk. You know, the kind that goes like, "You are so beautiful, smart, with the personality of an angel. You can have any guy in the world". Or, "There are so many Steves out there, move on already". Or, "You are too young to even be in this situation. Let it go". Or my favorite, "Good heavens! You're starting to sound like those desperate chicks we hate."
kwani u...u dont have a mind of your own and have to get some funny couze to give u advice? Enyewe u women poteza each other, u think ur gonna pata a perfect man? And assuming u do pata the perfect man u think he's gonna hang around when u keep on discussing domes with other women??? Get real, women need to learn to keep their shit in their houses, stop sharing toilets...what happens in your relationship stays there, its not fodder for gossip so that it can end up on Makutano junction one day...get real
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