Have you ever found yourself in a relationship in which you were simply going through the motions of being a girlfriend (or boyfriend)? You know...call everyday to see how the day's going and say goodnight, go on a date and end up in bed having sex (it's still good), and right afterward be in a hurry to leave rather than let that feeling linger? The I-love-you's have dwindled and now you're lucky if you even hear those three words within the month.
At first, I thought that maybe the opposite schedules were working against us. We were both busy and stressed out from work. However, now that I've switched my schedule and synchronized it with his, nothing's changed. If anything, I'm spending all my free evenings hanging out with my friends or family. Sometimes, we'll both be at home, bored, but neither of us wants to drive to see the other. I'm not as eager for the phone calls, in fact, I find myself increasingly screening his calls and intentionally not calling back for a day. I've stopped suggesting coffee/dinner/dancing/movie dates, and so has he. I actually find myself feeling very bored when I'm at his house and we're not being intimate. While he's still thinking we have a future together, I'm increasingly starting to see that what we both want is too different for this relationship to ever work, let alone lead to marriage. I intend to move out of state and start school in fall and I just don't see us surviving the long distance (I don't wanna be a prisoner) and I don't see him moving with me (again, I don't wanna be a prisoner).
Despite all this, he still manages to make my heart skip a beat, and our conversations are great when we're both not too tired to talk. I went out of town this past weekend. The night before I left, we were cuddling in bed when I brought up the topic of the current status of our relationship. He gave me a puzzled look, acting all surprised. According to him, everything's perfect, and his only worry is what's gonna happen when I move. Needless to say, I haven't seen him since then (almost a week now) and he hasn't even called to ask me how my weekend went (in detail). If everything's ok in his book, how does he explain the lack of touching and kissing (unless it'll lead to sex) and the non-existent I-love-you? Sometimes, I feel like we're simply good friends. Sure, it's expected after you've been in a relationship for awhile, but I'm not ok with the status quo. Maybe it's just been too long since we had drama. I can't cook up any drama right now if I tried. Maybe that's the problem. Our relationship is a little too perfect, hence too boring....
17 comments:
I think your relationship has reached a plateau. It was inevitable given the sheer momentum you seemed to have earlier. Also maybe both of you may have gotten into a rut. It is about time to do something to spice things up and refocus the relationship or things will taper off and the relationship will fade away. Because there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, you both have to be perfect to have a perfect relationship.
That is a tough situation to be in!!!Perhaps you are both pulling away because you are planning on moving out of state!
I hate it when relationships get there!! I always believe in not seeing my partner too often to avoid that inevitable boredom. Space gives you a chance to rejuvenate and miss the other person...
Then again, if a relationship is more physical than emotional/friendship its likely to bore very quickly.
Pole and all the best!
you need a long deserved break.
and don't even think of long-distance relationship. you will be a prisoner as u put it.
t'is time to move on if after the break touching still results to sex. one of you(or both) is using the other.
i could refer u to StackOfStiffys' for advice but am afraid of the bashing that he could unleash though he is mostly right on point.
t'is time to start talking to god. he surely helps in such situations. all the best.
that's what scares me about relationships. getting too used to each other. i get bored easily. but siwezi hanya.
like bomseh says, omba.
If the relationship is important to you and you're both on the same wavelength then I would think like acolyte said, spice it up...if not maybe it's time you both moved on!
Trial separation, perhaps? See what that does. Stop doing the usual mundane. Stay out of the diggs. Find stuff to do outside the house. My two cents. Jingle! Jingle! All the best.
Yaaaani, I have wracked my brains (what's left of it) trying to come up with something appropriate to say but zip. Nada. Zilch. Sufuri. I will get back when i come up with something...hehe. Relationships take work. It doesn't just "flow" - you have to work to keep it interesting. Work it gal.
Aco, trust me, things are spicy as it is (sexually speaking). I had dinner with babyboy tonight for 4 hours (waiter practically kicked us out) and I have to say, his response is quite comical when I think about it. Milonare, the problem is not spending too much time together (we spend a day or at most two together in a week. Sometimes we go upto 2 weeks without so much as a glimpse of each other).
The situation is somewhat like Princess describes. According to Steve, he's taking things "slow" and thinking seriously about the future of this relationship. Sometimes, he does hold back and he says he's still trying to figure out if this is something he wants to go that extra mile to make it work. He's also worried about how my going back to school will change me and whether or not we're even headed in the same direction. Yep, that's HIS point of view. Men!!!
One good thing is that our communication is great and now that he's told me what he's really thinking, it kinda explains a lot of his behavior around me lately. But, that doesn't mean it makes sense to me, nor does it mean that I'm ok with the way things are. I would rather enjoy the present than spend all my time worrying about what the future holds. But then again, I'm not turning 30 this year.
@modoathii, I hear you. Boredom is what kills a relationship for me.
@bomseh, LOL...i'll check out the link, if for no other reason than to be entertained.
@Q, will see how stuff outside the house goes, especially now that our schedules are the same. Maybe it's time I got him involved in some of my volunteer activities. Especially at the AIDS clinic...
@Aegeus, we've already tried the separation thing and it lasted about 2 days. We both came to the conclusion that it wasn't a good idea.
@ichiena, you're right. Relationships do take work. I should consider this a sign to change something in the relationship.
its a thing of whether you feel him or not.
You might be bored but still want it to work. In that case take a break or find something to spice it up...duno what.
But if you do not really care if it works out or not, move on. He'll shed a few tears and forget about it like and grown up 5yr old man.
Sisteh Mwenye Mifupa Mikubwa (SM3)
Even with distance and time apart you are getting bored?
Yenyewe pole lakini that looks like a sign that moving on is required...
That is frightening. I always shudder at the thot of reaching that stage esp if you hd set ur heart that his the 1.
No amount of advice will help u at this point. Its just btwn U n Steve 2 work it out. Ask him y his so afraid of committmment coz it sounds that way....mabe there's smethin he has never told u. Just try n plod him kidogo.
All the best galfriend!!
SBB, you're absolutely right; a too-perfect relationship is a no-can-do. Tumultuous relationships are easily the most interesting - you meet up and are like: I wonder what's gonna happen today!
But hang in there tho, what can I say. Tumult is bound to materialize sooner or later, no doubt.
I was here, I was surprised, and decided I really don't have advice, but I was here that counts doesn't it...
Lakini this I'll say...the feeling of locked up is the absolute worst!!
Steve's mourning the loss of his grandma, so this topic is put to rest for a couple of weeks.
well coz chance are I will forget to comment all I can say is
"what do women want" mel gibson please tell us
I never meddle in people's afairs. However, consider the following (from Stephen King's 'The Dark Tower part IV'- Wizard and Glass):
"True love, like any other strong and addicting drug, is boring—once the tale of encounter and discovery is told, kisses quickly grow stale and caresses tiresome .
. . except, of course, to those who share the kisses, who give and take the caresses while every sound and color of the world seems to deepen and brighten around them. As with any other strong drug, true first love is really only interesting to those who have become its prisoners."
All the best though and do what is in ua best interest. Cheers!
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