Shuga - Justified Hype or Not?

Well, if you visit the Kenyan blogs or any Kenyan social networking site, no doubt you've heard the hype that's MTV Ignite's "Shuga"...a public service announcement about HIV transmission that stresses the importance of knowing one's status in a creative, subtle way that's not preachy, condemning, etc. I can see why this...movie? mini-series? (still not sure what it is)...has garnered such attention in Kenya. Before I continue, here's some housekeeping disclaimers and a link to Jmmk's post with links to the "Shuga" episodes.

For starters, I'm a certified HIV test counselor, so I've seen it all and heard it all. The lens through which I view HIV is from a public health perspective, and I always try not to let my personal bias enter the picture (in true Kenyan cultural upbringing, I am socially conservative).

Ok, now on to this movie/mini-series. The one word I would use to describe it is "SURPRISING". This spoken by someone whose vivid memories of the social scene in Kenya include women being stripped on the streets of Nairobi for wearing short skirts; and who can forget the warning "This program is unsuitable for children under 18" every time The Bold and The Beautiful came on! So of course for me, seeing a chick in a short dress boarding a matatu, and close ups of people kissing, and even Ayira's underwear clad body was surprising to me. Evidently, a lot has changed about what's socially acceptable in Kenya. Which leaves me wondering if this was airing during prime time and if the kiddos watched it with their parents (kissing scenes were usually the cue to change the channel).

My constant question as I watched Shuga was "how realistic is this movie?" On one score, I think it's very realistic, but on another score, I think not.

Realistic: If you're familiar with any Kenyan party scene, then you've probably witnessed all the characters portrayed in the movie. The all-night raving, the over indulgence of alcohol, the showing off of cars, the virgin that's always being pressured but wants to do the "right" thing, etc. Whether in Kenya or abroad, I think Shuga did a good job in portraying how Kenyans party in general. Even the portrayal of the sleeping around for monetary reasons is realistic, we all know such characters.

Unrealistic: There's the finer details of testing itself, i.e. if you have unprotected sex with an HIV+ person, it takes 3-6 months to get an accurate result. So, even if Violet tested negative and Skola positive, it was too soon for her to be celebrating her negative status. I am yet to meet a single Kenyan that has not been touched by HIV, be it a family member or friend. How many of those HIV+ people close to you freely talked about their status? How did society treat them and talk about them? How did you personally feel? The theme of "acceptance" that's portrayed in Shuga is rather unrealistic. Put yourself in Ty's shoes: you've been steadily dating someone and are even ready to get married. Then you discover they've been cheating on you with an HIV+ person and put you at great risk. My guess is that it will take a long time for you to get over the initial anger. And for many people, cheating is a huge deal breaker, HIV+ or not.
Perhaps acceptance was supposed to tie in with the message of people getting tested and knowing their status: a goal to strive for. As young people, we tend to think we're invisible and certain things only happen to some people and not "me".

Judging by some of the posts already up, and the comments left, both here at KBW and social networking sites like Facebook, it's pretty obvious that Shuga has its supporters and its opposers. And that's a good thing as it brings about public dialogue and debate. And if the film will lead some people to do some soul-searching and get tested, Shuga will have accomplished one of its objectives.

The bottom line is, ABSTINENCE ONLY SEX EDUCATION DOES NOT WORK!! It was kind of amusing to see/hear how shocked the "grown-ups" were when that survey came out showing that Kenyan youth are having plenty of sex. Of course they are! And they always have, so stop with the over the top reactions. Face reality. Teens are having sex, and they will continue to have it no matter how many times we preach abstinence. The best thing to do for our youth is educate them on how to protect themselves against HIV and other STDs, and teach them to take responsibility for their actions. For those that decide the best way to do that is by abstaining...good for them! Unfortunately, a majority won't. It's time we stopped burying our heads in the sand and pretending that every unmarried person is a virgin, or more accurately, should be a virgin. And even those that are married are known to stray. Otherwise, HIV rates among married couples wouldn't be so high.

I say, kuddos Shuga, for starting yet another HIV dialogue, and putting it in a context that the average campus student in Kenya can relate to. For those that think it's too "westernized", that's part of what's going on with our young Kenyans. They're busy becoming "westernized".

Tuesday Blues

It's not Monday, but I'm still singing the blues. What can I say, I'm missing my baby. Or more accurately, I'm getting frustrated with being in a long distance relationship. At first, I didn't wanna even attempt it. Of course, I don't know a single couple that has survived one of these LDR's. More often than not, one person cheats, or the couple drifts so far apart that they wonder what happened. That was my line of reasoning, but somehow, I was ok with giving it a shot. Why not? What was there to lose.

So, here we are. Nine months later. A lot has happened in nine months. Tragedies, sickness, meeting the clan, even a near proposal (that I unknowingly squashed by describing my ideal engagement ring, leading to a postponement of the plan....thank God for brothers who keep you in the loop). When I think about it, he's everything I could possibly want in a man. Of course he's got his weaknesses, namely, I wish he were more ambitious and aggressive. But then, we can't have two such people in a relationship, otherwise, there'll be fireworks daily. Yet, I crave those fireworks.

I feel like I'm simply going through the motions of being a girlfriend. We've talked every single day since I moved, had a few fights too, but nothing we couldn't work out. Now, I don't even initiate the phone calls. When he does call, I find myself getting impatient and wondering how fast I can get him off the phone. Lately, I've found myself wondering when was the last time we shared a good laugh, or had a good conversation. I can't remember. I consciously made a decision that will lead to my not to seeing him this summer, choosing instead to put my family first. Perhaps it's the stress of the last few months that's taking its toll, or maybe the looming life and death surgery of my favorite uncle that's got me distracted. Whatever it is has really done me in this time. I've always been positive that the two of us would somehow end up together, yet I find myself questioning if I really wanna make that commitment. All evidence screams "yes", but still...

On another side note, anyone ever been to a Nonini concert? Wanna venture an opinion? I'm on a mission to meet more Kenyans in this city (although I'll admit that a Nonini concert is probably not the place to go looking for friends). But, I'm not looking to make friends as much as I'm looking for party friends. I don't understand the American bar culture. At least I can dance at a club, but none of my new friends seem to enjoy the clubbing scene. I find this strange as it is the complete opposite of what I'm used to. Before I moved here, I'd never been inside a bar. Anyway, back to Nonini concert, is it worth attending?

Puppy Love

Unable to sleep, I decided to work on my PowerPoint presentation while listening to some background music. Then this song started playing and for a brief second, my entire first romance came flashing through my mind. I love the way songs have a way of capturing a moment so perfectly.

It was around 5:30 p.m on a Wednesday and as usual, Mike was over at my place hanging out. We had already spent the last three months pretending to be "just friends", even though by this time, he had given me a single red rose, told me how hot he thought I was, given me countless little pecks, and we had even developed a little routine. He would come over to my house every weekday at around 4:30 after school. We would sit and watch TV or talk about nothing in particular. Then at 5:30, we would go for a very long walk which usually ended up at some hills where we would sit and watch the sunset. Then he would walk me home, say bye with a hug or a peck and turn around and leave.

On this particular day, we were sitting on the couch talking with the radio on in the background. We were getting ready to head out for our daily walk, and I had just reached for the remote to turn the stereo off when K-Ci and Jojo started singing. That song had just come out and was a new hit. Out of nowhere, Mike asked me to dance, and feeling a little shy, I agreed. The first minute or so was ok, then I started noticing things for the first time. I noticed how tall he was, my head was resting on his chest. It seemed like for the first time, I could smell his scent, which was clean and slightly perfumed. I became aware of my own heart beat, and started paying special attention to his hand wrapped around my waist. I also noticed an odd feeling that I'd never experienced before.

As soon as the song was over, I pulled back, but Mike did not let go of my waist. Instead, he stared at me intently and I had no choice but to look into those deep brown eyes before quickly looking away and blushing. Then I noticed him for the first time. Really noticed him. He was actually very good looking and had the whitest, sexiest smile I have ever seen on a guy. My body seemed to be experiencing all sorts of weird sensations and my heart was almost jumping out of my chest. I needed some fresh air. As I made the move to disentangle myself from his grip, he lowered his head and before I could digest what the hell was going on, his lips were on mine and his tongue was busy trying to pry my mouth open. Finally, I gave in and parted my lips, and a few seconds later, I heard an "ouch".

Effectively, that moment was dead. Poor guy was holding onto his mouth while I apologized profusely. Yes, I bit his tongue. It was my first kiss after all. That day, our walk seemed different. We didn't say a single word to each other and when we finally reached our spot on the hill and sat down to watch the sunset, he uttered his first words. They were words of advice on how to kiss. Somehow, I should have been embarassed, but the way he put it made me at ease and we even laughed about his bitten tongue. He went on to give me tips and we had plenty of practice after that.

Our little routine continued for another few months before I moved to boarding school to start form one. We never officially decided we were dating, and we never officially said goodbye. As quietly and suddenly as he had entered my life, he was gone. He gave me a really great first impression on relationships. I've never seen him nor heard from him since, and I do wonder whether he ever fulfilled his dream of becoming a lawyer. Maybe someday we will bump into each other. It's not an entirely strange hope. It is a small world after all. Cheers to all first innocent loves. There are days I wish I could rewind the clock.