Hello World

Blogging is like that ex-lover you just can't seem to forget. Sure, you move on and meet other loves that keep you completely occupied until one day you run into your ex. All of a sudden, you remember the good times you had. You find him looking more attractive than ever. You decide on a cup of coffee and next thing you know, you're in his bed. Well, I happened to be digging through my emails when I came across this old blog of mine. Someone's comment caught my attention and the next thing I know, I'm reading through my old blogs and laughing my ass off. Just last week, I thought to myself that I should start another blog. But alas! Here's one already, full of history. Reminded me of events I had long forgotten. I just turned 30 (escaped to another continent to avoid the "let's find you a husband" party). I'm finally a doctor (yikes!) though still in training. What can I possibly blog about in between 80 hour work weeks and studying for board exams? We'll see. All I know is, I miss writing and I'm gonna give it another shot. I'm looking forward to seeing what others are writing about.

Random Ramblings

Today was the first real day of spring, finally got to 70 degrees. The first thing I thought of when I woke up was that next Friday is my last official day as a second year med student! I simply don't know what happened to the last two years of my life. It's a great feeling to know I survived the first half of med school. If I can survive my first board exam, then all the better. With that realization came a very humbling feeling of just how blessed I am. I had a conversation with an old friend yesterday that I hadn't talked to in a year. The last time I talked to her, she had been accepted into med school. However, the sad reality of being an international student hit her when the school told her the only way she could matriculate is if she pays her entire 4 years of tuition up front. I don't know any Kenyan that can write a $200,000 check. So, she's had to settle for a PhD program.

On a different trajectory, did I miss some kinda memo somewhere? Why is everyone and their momma trying to hook me up with some man? I know I haven't been in a real relationship for a year and a half, but come on! I usually feel pretty good while surrounded by my med school friends, but every time I venture outside that circle, I get a rude awakening. The way people carry on, you would think I was 40. I just turned 26 for crying out loud! I recently visited my aunts for spring break and all I heard the entire week were bios of different men that I came into contact with. Never mind the fact that some of them were already hooked up!

I expect such things from my aunts/grandmas, etc. But imagine my surprise when one of my best friends came upto me and excitedly exclaimed "I found your future husband! And he's a cardiologist!" Really? I had no idea she was on the hunt. I can think of at least 5 future husbands lurking around somewhere curtesy of my family. But to have my friend start playing the hook up game made me pose and wonder if I missed something along the way.

I know this is supposedly the age where people do hardcore dating, but who the hell has time? I barely have time to cook and do my laundry, let alone go out on dates. Not to mention the fact that in recent months, I haven't come across a single guy worth a second date. Well, that doesn't matter. My aunts have already warned me that my 30th birthday will be an intervention party. I better find a "future husband" in the next three and a half years! This is too funny...

On yet another trajectory...why is it that the most "saved" people usually end up being the biggest hypocrites? Why hide behind religion? Too many shocking stories lately involving church members and pastors. Or perhaps the only reason I find some things "shocking" is because the most shocking thing I ever experience in med school is having a professor drop the F-bomb and have some overly sensitive person report it to the deans. The next thing we know, we're receiving an email from the said professor in the form of an apology. So when I hear stories about a church pastor sleeping with half the women in his congregation (many of whom I know)...I do find it quite shocking....

TMZ/National Enquirer kenyan Style

Twelve hours ago, I had no idea who Esther Arunga was. Perhaps if I lived in Kenya, I would. Nevertheless, in the last few hours, thanks to Facebook and blogoland, my curiosity got the better of me. Who is this person and why does she have the internet lit up like a candlestick?

Well, I should have known she would turn out to be a celeb of sorts. Hot celeb gossip makes the world go round. I always joke that TMZ knows what celebs are gonna do even before the celebs themselves think of doing "it".

When Raila fired Ongeri and Co. last week, only for them to be reinstated by Kibaki, the Facebookers didn't say a peep. I only found out about it by reading the breaking news on Nation. But who cares about the state of politics when you have juicy gossip to cheer you up and make you forget how truly messed up your own life is? And this Esther Arunga story has it all.

Hot chick on top of the world, seemingly headed down the road of perfection. Then along comes another man (men?) and her romantic love story goes kapoof! Then enter some foreign man (Nigerian? S.African? British? Kenyan? Who cares?). And let's take it a step further than TMZ and add in God and religion. Only Kenyans know how to put God in the middle of EVERYTHING, good or bad.

The Nation already has 3 articles on their website concerning this story, complete with a press conference. Yes, Kenya is quickly catching up with the rest of the paparazzi around the world. The good news is, gossip is good for your mental health. So keep the juice flowing.

Will This Madness Never End?

I woke up to news that one of my childhood friends had been gunned down by thugs in Westlands and had succumbed to his gun injuries last night. I was in a great mood and looking forward to a wonderful birthday week. Now, I'm in tears and wondering why this had to happen. This was supposed to be M.N.'s big year. He's finally followed in his father's footsteps and become a pilot for a major airline. On new year's day, he proposed to his long time girlfriend in what was the most romantic proposal I ever heard of...straight out of a romantic comedy. For him, life was supposed to be good this year. Instead, he's lying on a cold slab in a morgue, while his family and friends are left behind in agony. Such a wonderful young life has been extinguished, just like that!

I am so sick and tired of the damn insecurity in Kenya. Why can't people just live their lives and have peace of mind? When I think of all the family members and friends I've lost to stupid thugs, I wanna strangle someone. Why can't they just take the car and leave the person alone? Why not take everything in the house and the money and disappear? Why do they always have to shoot the victim for good measure? Oh the lives that have been lost! And those that have been spared, but are suffering intense trauma just thinking about their ordeal in the hands of gunmen! I still have horrid memories of the day my mom was carjacked at gunpoint and terrorized all over Nairobi. She's never fully recovered from hearing those gunshots and coming face-to-face with death. But who is responsible? Do we blame the government? Do we blame the crappy law enforcement officers, who are probably the ones responsible for half the crimes? Do we blame poverty? Who the hell is responsible?

My dear friend M.N...I remember him from the days we were children. His younger sister was my best friend. My relationship with him always made me wish I had an older brother. He was always over protective. Full of adventure and an appetite for life. He lived his life and lived it fully. If he could speak one last time, his only regret would probably be the fact that he didn't live long enough to marry his beautiful fiancee and start a family. I don't know anyone as generous, as fun loving, as kind, and as passionate as this man. May God rest his soul in peace, and may the people he's left behind find the strength to face another day.

Shuga - Justified Hype or Not?

Well, if you visit the Kenyan blogs or any Kenyan social networking site, no doubt you've heard the hype that's MTV Ignite's "Shuga"...a public service announcement about HIV transmission that stresses the importance of knowing one's status in a creative, subtle way that's not preachy, condemning, etc. I can see why this...movie? mini-series? (still not sure what it is)...has garnered such attention in Kenya. Before I continue, here's some housekeeping disclaimers and a link to Jmmk's post with links to the "Shuga" episodes.

For starters, I'm a certified HIV test counselor, so I've seen it all and heard it all. The lens through which I view HIV is from a public health perspective, and I always try not to let my personal bias enter the picture (in true Kenyan cultural upbringing, I am socially conservative).

Ok, now on to this movie/mini-series. The one word I would use to describe it is "SURPRISING". This spoken by someone whose vivid memories of the social scene in Kenya include women being stripped on the streets of Nairobi for wearing short skirts; and who can forget the warning "This program is unsuitable for children under 18" every time The Bold and The Beautiful came on! So of course for me, seeing a chick in a short dress boarding a matatu, and close ups of people kissing, and even Ayira's underwear clad body was surprising to me. Evidently, a lot has changed about what's socially acceptable in Kenya. Which leaves me wondering if this was airing during prime time and if the kiddos watched it with their parents (kissing scenes were usually the cue to change the channel).

My constant question as I watched Shuga was "how realistic is this movie?" On one score, I think it's very realistic, but on another score, I think not.

Realistic: If you're familiar with any Kenyan party scene, then you've probably witnessed all the characters portrayed in the movie. The all-night raving, the over indulgence of alcohol, the showing off of cars, the virgin that's always being pressured but wants to do the "right" thing, etc. Whether in Kenya or abroad, I think Shuga did a good job in portraying how Kenyans party in general. Even the portrayal of the sleeping around for monetary reasons is realistic, we all know such characters.

Unrealistic: There's the finer details of testing itself, i.e. if you have unprotected sex with an HIV+ person, it takes 3-6 months to get an accurate result. So, even if Violet tested negative and Skola positive, it was too soon for her to be celebrating her negative status. I am yet to meet a single Kenyan that has not been touched by HIV, be it a family member or friend. How many of those HIV+ people close to you freely talked about their status? How did society treat them and talk about them? How did you personally feel? The theme of "acceptance" that's portrayed in Shuga is rather unrealistic. Put yourself in Ty's shoes: you've been steadily dating someone and are even ready to get married. Then you discover they've been cheating on you with an HIV+ person and put you at great risk. My guess is that it will take a long time for you to get over the initial anger. And for many people, cheating is a huge deal breaker, HIV+ or not.
Perhaps acceptance was supposed to tie in with the message of people getting tested and knowing their status: a goal to strive for. As young people, we tend to think we're invisible and certain things only happen to some people and not "me".

Judging by some of the posts already up, and the comments left, both here at KBW and social networking sites like Facebook, it's pretty obvious that Shuga has its supporters and its opposers. And that's a good thing as it brings about public dialogue and debate. And if the film will lead some people to do some soul-searching and get tested, Shuga will have accomplished one of its objectives.

The bottom line is, ABSTINENCE ONLY SEX EDUCATION DOES NOT WORK!! It was kind of amusing to see/hear how shocked the "grown-ups" were when that survey came out showing that Kenyan youth are having plenty of sex. Of course they are! And they always have, so stop with the over the top reactions. Face reality. Teens are having sex, and they will continue to have it no matter how many times we preach abstinence. The best thing to do for our youth is educate them on how to protect themselves against HIV and other STDs, and teach them to take responsibility for their actions. For those that decide the best way to do that is by abstaining...good for them! Unfortunately, a majority won't. It's time we stopped burying our heads in the sand and pretending that every unmarried person is a virgin, or more accurately, should be a virgin. And even those that are married are known to stray. Otherwise, HIV rates among married couples wouldn't be so high.

I say, kuddos Shuga, for starting yet another HIV dialogue, and putting it in a context that the average campus student in Kenya can relate to. For those that think it's too "westernized", that's part of what's going on with our young Kenyans. They're busy becoming "westernized".

The Eleventh Commandment

Who would have thought a small car accident on his own property would turn Tiger Wood's life upside down? (The paps probably know what these celebs do before the celebs go out and do it...damn!)While the media circus is ridiculous, and with all these women and their mamas claiming to have had sex with Cheater...I mean Tiger...I couldn't help but marvel at how sloppy this dude is. It's like he was begging to get caught.

Now, all of us can probably name 5 - 10 men that we personally know that have cheated on their wives/girlfriends. Asked to come up with the same number of women, we would probably be at a loss. Does that mean women don't cheat as much as men? Of course not! They probably cheat more; it's just that they've mastered "The eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not get caught".

I remember my first year of college in undergrad, my roommate also happened to be my best friend from high school. I was dating a guy I'd met right after graduation and that relationship lasted my entire first year. Everything was going great, but towards the end of the year, I started suspecting he was cheating on me partly because of his sudden change in behavior and habits. That summer, after our first anniversary, I broke up with him because I no longer trusted him. A week later, I found out from my cousin that he was seen at a party cozying up with my best friend. Of course I was shocked! This girl had been my friend since high school. I thought I knew all her secrets...from first kiss, to when she lost her virginity (I had to sleep in another friend's room that night), I could even tell you what she ate for dinner. Plus, we were roommates, had mutual friends and did almost everything together. And I never suspected a thing, nor could I fathom when she was able to do the creeping (turns out when I was busy putting in my 3-4 hours of volunteer work at the hospital, she was getting it in with my man). Had all three of us not had the same circle of friends, I might never have discovered that my boyfriend was cheating on me with my best friend.

I have never cheated on a man, and I like to believe that before things get that bad, I will have tried to rectify the problem or walked out before I cheat. But, I don't know that for a fact (shit happens!) So, if, theoretically, I were to cheat, everything would have to conform to the 11th commandment:

For starters, I would avoid the first blatant mistake Woods made and cheat with someone who has as much to lose as I do. That's key motivation for silence. And silence is the only way to not get caught. When you're a multi millionaire/billionaire cheating with a waitress....'nuff said! This really, is the most important thing. Everything else is common sense: avoid PDA, don't use credit cards, don't call each other, etc. Then again, common sense is not so common...

Has it Really Been a Year?

Damn! How fast time flies! Can't believe I haven't visited the blogs since last year. Well, I can't close the year without a single post. Oh, what school can do to you.

Was just reading my last post and remembering how depressed I was a year ago. It's true, time does heal all wounds. I am 100% over my ex, the death of my favorite unce and father figure doesn't hurt as much anymore....even my academic performance and finances have improved.

But, I'm still really bad at picking men. I think it's a disease. I keep joking to my family that they need to do one of those arranged marriages for me or else they'll end up with the weirdest in-law they've ever heard of. After all, I am turning 26 in less than 2 months and all my friends seem to be jumping the broom and popping out kiddies like popcorn machines. That little fact hasn't gone unnoticed by my family. Why in the hell would my aunties and grandmas ask me on a monthly basis whether I found a "new catch" (who uses such phrases?) My parents, who were always anti-marriage while in school, are suddenly worried that I'm not being "social" enough. My dad bluntly pointed out to me this past summer that I'll be graduating in less than 3 years and once I add that "Dr." title to my name, it's gonna be exponentially harder to meet eligible men (instinct tells me it'll be the opposite, but with Kenyan men, you never know). One of my aunts is even using phrases like "import a husband from Kenya"....gotta love these people.

All in all, this has been a progressively good year. After having a complete meltdown, the school year ended well, I spent the summer in Kenya doing volunteer service and meeting lots of hot, single, successful men (my love of Kenyan men was forever renewed), my second year in school is more stress-free, and I'm involved enough with community service that I'm finally feeling like my motivated, passionate self again. Even the social scene in this God-forsaken, middle-of-nowhere city has improved and if it wasn't for the lack of family, I might even venture to say I'm kinda starting to like it. Although I'll be damned if I stay here for residency!

And of course, can't forget to thank God for making all this possible. 2008 was a horrible year, 2009 has been a tolerable year, and I hope 2010 will be a successful, purpose-filled (and fulfilled) year. Cheers!

Happy Thanksgiving?

There's no worse feeling in the world than loneliness. Or so it seems. Whenever I get lonely, which seems to be happening more and more often, I tend to do dumb things to try and get over it. Like go on shopping sprees and spend money I don't have. Or start fooling around with a man I wouldn't be caught dead with by my family and friends. Or put off studying in search of more exciting things like parties.

And here I am, once again, sitting at Barnes and Nobles when all my friends have taken flights to go home and visit their families for thanksgiving. Yes. That feeling of loneliness is creeping up on me. I know this because I've been sitting here for 2 hours and rather than study, I've been reading blogs and searching for a good spa to go get a deep tissue massage. This is the first time in my life I've found myself in a city with no relative in site. This is certainly the first time in all the years I've been in the US that I'm spending thanksgiving without my family. And I'm hating it. I could be at home right now, doing grocery shopping with my dad, trying to beat the lines. I could be arguing with my mom over what time we should wake up to start cooking. I could be bossing my brother around to get him to do the cleaning before the rest of the clan shows up tomorrow. My cousins keep calling and asking why I'm not going home for thanksgiving. I'm not immune to the economic mess. Especially after the kind of year I've had. When my dad can't even afford $400 to bring his daughter home for the holidays, you know things are bad. But, I still applaud my parents for all the sacrifices they've made this year to help other family members who've certainly needed the help.

I have a Kenyan friend around here who has a few relatives and they're getting together for thanksgiving tomorrow. I'm invited, yet I feel like I'm intruding on a private family event. Whether or not I go depends on how I feel when the time comes. If I don't go, then I'll just have to rent movies and go on a cooking spree. All my favorite joints will be closed anyway, so I'm doomed to stay at my apartment. What a depressing thought. And on top of that, I'm supposed to average 6-8 hours of studying everyday for the next 5 days. Yet, I can't concentrate. I'm too busy dreaming about summer and trying to come up with a good project so I can spend the entire summer in Kenya rather than make a quick visit and have to come back and work as an intern with some random doctor. I'm too busy missing my family, and eagerly awaiting christmas, the one time I'm gonna see my family on a happy occassion this year where no one is sick or mourning. I can't wait to close out what has been one of the most difficult years of my life thus far. Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for this year, but a lot to be sad about also. Perhaps looking ahead to January 1 can be one more thing to be thankful about. It'll be the beginning of a new year. One, hopefully, filled with new beginnings. Once again, I ask myself what the hell drove me to move so far away for school when I didn't have to. Right now, I can't think of a single good reason. Yes, happy thanksgiving indeed.

Un-professionalism

In celebration of successfully finishing our initiation into medicine (buh bye gross anatomy!), we had a huge party on Friday night. Not only did our class show up, our profs, deans, and TA's were present. For some strange reason, I get a mildly uncomfortable feeling during such events. Students, alcohol, and Deans don't mix very well in my opinion. After a couple of drinks, professionalism almost always goes out the window and a lot of inappropriate behaviors are exhibited. While I enjoy meeting my profs and deans in a casual, laid-back setting, I'm always careful to maintain an appropriate level of respect and professionalism. Just cuz we're not in class does not give me a leeway to suddenly start dropping "F" words every other sentence. Maybe it's the Kenyan in me. But, I lost a lot of respect for some people that Friday. There's just something strange about seeing your prof drunk and staggering around. But, there's something even stranger about seeing a fellow student drunk and throwing herself at an equally drunk TA. I just can't look at these people with the same level of respect. Who woulda thought? I guess I'm a little conservative after all. And I'm gonna be skipping the halloween party on Friday.

Getting Political

In the last few months, I've met so many ignorant peeps mpaka they pushed me to become more active in politics. It started with a small donation online, then came the T-shirts, then the volunteering. Finally, I attended a rally to hear the words straight from the horse's mouth, minus all the pundit BS on TV. Hence, my first political rally. If you've listened to McCain-Palin lately, I hope that's enough motivation to go out and vote if you're eligible, or volunteer for the Obama campaign, especially on election day. I took these photos at the rally, and for the record, is this man hot, or is he HOT!! (Of course, that's not a reason to vote for him, but having a good-looking president can't hurt).

http://www.barackobama.com/index.php

Hiatus over...sort of

I'm finally rearing my head (Palin alert!) after a very, very long unplanned break. What can I say? Life is full of domino effects. I'm sure I've missed out on plenty of hot topics in the blogosphere, hopefully I'll catch up with time.

So what's new with me? My boyfriend (ex-) Steve proposed this past summer. Obviously, I said no and that relationship went to hell after that. It was the most unromantic moment of my life. (Who the hell proposes over the phone, a day after making up following 2 weeks of fighting, and after a year of long distance? Where's my ring? Obviously, that's not the reason I said no, but seriously!?) On the other hand, I can't believe I held on to that relationship as long as I did. Lesson learned: don't get too serious with a guy if you have no intention of settling down anytime soon, even if he pretends that he's willing to wait for you as long as it takes.

After a week of moping around and totally neglecting my schoolwork, I pissed my friends off enough for them to drag me to a birthday party. I never regretted it, as I found me a hot boy toy to help me get over Steve. Except, the boy toy has one side that screams "RUN!" and another side that has the potential to make me fall for him really hard. But, I do enjoy playing with fire and my curiosity is preventing me from running, so I'm gonna stick around and see what happens. At least he's the most intriguing person I've ever met and being the judgmental person that I am, I'm having trouble pegging his character down and that's driving me crazy.

On the brighter side of things, I did start med school and so far so good. I just can't believe how busy it is! I was prepared for busy, but I don't think I fully grasped that concept. Between spending hours in Anatomy lab (2 more weeks!), six to eight hours at Starbucks studying everyday, volunteering, shadowing, and tons of meetings, it's a wonder I even have time for my new playboy. But, he does come in handy for those stressful exam weeks. His massages are off the hook.

Ok, will try and keep this baby updated. I really do miss blogging, and there are days I have must-blog-moments that I should share. So hopefully, I stay with it. In the meantime, happy week blogging everyone!

Anybody see anything wrong with this picture?

Tuesday Blues

It's not Monday, but I'm still singing the blues. What can I say, I'm missing my baby. Or more accurately, I'm getting frustrated with being in a long distance relationship. At first, I didn't wanna even attempt it. Of course, I don't know a single couple that has survived one of these LDR's. More often than not, one person cheats, or the couple drifts so far apart that they wonder what happened. That was my line of reasoning, but somehow, I was ok with giving it a shot. Why not? What was there to lose.

So, here we are. Nine months later. A lot has happened in nine months. Tragedies, sickness, meeting the clan, even a near proposal (that I unknowingly squashed by describing my ideal engagement ring, leading to a postponement of the plan....thank God for brothers who keep you in the loop). When I think about it, he's everything I could possibly want in a man. Of course he's got his weaknesses, namely, I wish he were more ambitious and aggressive. But then, we can't have two such people in a relationship, otherwise, there'll be fireworks daily. Yet, I crave those fireworks.

I feel like I'm simply going through the motions of being a girlfriend. We've talked every single day since I moved, had a few fights too, but nothing we couldn't work out. Now, I don't even initiate the phone calls. When he does call, I find myself getting impatient and wondering how fast I can get him off the phone. Lately, I've found myself wondering when was the last time we shared a good laugh, or had a good conversation. I can't remember. I consciously made a decision that will lead to my not to seeing him this summer, choosing instead to put my family first. Perhaps it's the stress of the last few months that's taking its toll, or maybe the looming life and death surgery of my favorite uncle that's got me distracted. Whatever it is has really done me in this time. I've always been positive that the two of us would somehow end up together, yet I find myself questioning if I really wanna make that commitment. All evidence screams "yes", but still...

On another side note, anyone ever been to a Nonini concert? Wanna venture an opinion? I'm on a mission to meet more Kenyans in this city (although I'll admit that a Nonini concert is probably not the place to go looking for friends). But, I'm not looking to make friends as much as I'm looking for party friends. I don't understand the American bar culture. At least I can dance at a club, but none of my new friends seem to enjoy the clubbing scene. I find this strange as it is the complete opposite of what I'm used to. Before I moved here, I'd never been inside a bar. Anyway, back to Nonini concert, is it worth attending?

YES.WE.CAN

Hard to believe, but I am a political junkie. Every single issue facing us as individuals or as a society can be traced back to the policies enacted by our politicians, and as such, I believe it's everyone's responsibility to know and keenly follow what is going on in politics and take an interest in issues that affect our lives. Never in my years spent following politics have I felt this happy and hopeful for a country. Indeed, I was afraid to do the one thing that Senator Obama encouraged his supporters to do: BELIEVE. Yet, here he is tonight, making his nomination speech.

For obvious reasons, this is a historic moment in this country. The fact that an African American man is running competitively to become the next president of the world's superpower is amazing and truly meaningful, not just for Senator Obama's supporters, but for every single person in America as this reflects on yet another chapter in our history. If you are a black person living in America and have tried to explore territory that is primarily considered "white", then I'm sure you can have a personal appreciation for what Senator Obama's victory could potentially mean. Whether it's at work in corporate America, or in other institutions where your skin color subconsciously raises eyebrows as to whether or not you "really" know what you're doing. I feel hopeful that perhaps this will open a door to improve race relations in this country and encourage more minorities to step out of their comfort zones and aim higher; and those that do, I hope this opens a door for them to be evaluated more objectively based on their qualifications, rather than stereotypes based on skin color.

And so tonight, I join all of Obama's supporters in saying CONGRATULATIONS. As much as I would have loved to see a woman take that mantle, it's obvious that we don't have the right candidate for that yet. Ladies, our time will come. For now, I'll bask in the knowledge that the economy and healthcare (especially healthcare, where my passion lies) in this country will be greatly improved in the next few years should Obama become president.

I look forward to August 28, on the 45th anniverssary of Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech. I look forward to hearing what Senator Obama has to say on that day, and how he will honor the King, who helped pave way for this day.

Puppy Love

Unable to sleep, I decided to work on my PowerPoint presentation while listening to some background music. Then this song started playing and for a brief second, my entire first romance came flashing through my mind. I love the way songs have a way of capturing a moment so perfectly.

It was around 5:30 p.m on a Wednesday and as usual, Mike was over at my place hanging out. We had already spent the last three months pretending to be "just friends", even though by this time, he had given me a single red rose, told me how hot he thought I was, given me countless little pecks, and we had even developed a little routine. He would come over to my house every weekday at around 4:30 after school. We would sit and watch TV or talk about nothing in particular. Then at 5:30, we would go for a very long walk which usually ended up at some hills where we would sit and watch the sunset. Then he would walk me home, say bye with a hug or a peck and turn around and leave.

On this particular day, we were sitting on the couch talking with the radio on in the background. We were getting ready to head out for our daily walk, and I had just reached for the remote to turn the stereo off when K-Ci and Jojo started singing. That song had just come out and was a new hit. Out of nowhere, Mike asked me to dance, and feeling a little shy, I agreed. The first minute or so was ok, then I started noticing things for the first time. I noticed how tall he was, my head was resting on his chest. It seemed like for the first time, I could smell his scent, which was clean and slightly perfumed. I became aware of my own heart beat, and started paying special attention to his hand wrapped around my waist. I also noticed an odd feeling that I'd never experienced before.

As soon as the song was over, I pulled back, but Mike did not let go of my waist. Instead, he stared at me intently and I had no choice but to look into those deep brown eyes before quickly looking away and blushing. Then I noticed him for the first time. Really noticed him. He was actually very good looking and had the whitest, sexiest smile I have ever seen on a guy. My body seemed to be experiencing all sorts of weird sensations and my heart was almost jumping out of my chest. I needed some fresh air. As I made the move to disentangle myself from his grip, he lowered his head and before I could digest what the hell was going on, his lips were on mine and his tongue was busy trying to pry my mouth open. Finally, I gave in and parted my lips, and a few seconds later, I heard an "ouch".

Effectively, that moment was dead. Poor guy was holding onto his mouth while I apologized profusely. Yes, I bit his tongue. It was my first kiss after all. That day, our walk seemed different. We didn't say a single word to each other and when we finally reached our spot on the hill and sat down to watch the sunset, he uttered his first words. They were words of advice on how to kiss. Somehow, I should have been embarassed, but the way he put it made me at ease and we even laughed about his bitten tongue. He went on to give me tips and we had plenty of practice after that.

Our little routine continued for another few months before I moved to boarding school to start form one. We never officially decided we were dating, and we never officially said goodbye. As quietly and suddenly as he had entered my life, he was gone. He gave me a really great first impression on relationships. I've never seen him nor heard from him since, and I do wonder whether he ever fulfilled his dream of becoming a lawyer. Maybe someday we will bump into each other. It's not an entirely strange hope. It is a small world after all. Cheers to all first innocent loves. There are days I wish I could rewind the clock.

Confession is Good for the Soul

I'm up three whole hours before my alarm goes off (why?!) and I thought it might be fun in a twisted kind of way to follow HnH's lead and confess. Yikes!

Cruelest thing I have ever done (so far)
Way back when I was in primo, I was very shy and withdrawn. Needless to say, that meant I wasn't one of the popular kids since I preferred to read and mind my own business. It came as a surprise to me (and a lot of classmates) when I became friends with one of the most popular kids in the class. Of course being popular comes with a price tag, so I took it upon myself to start bullying and teasing another shy, quiet girl. This only made me more popular. I called her names in front of the whole class, and even though I hated the feeling, I kept at it. It wasn't until I saw her in my church a month later that I was utterly mortified. Turned out she actually went to my church and my mom and her mom were friends. I never apologized, she never said anything to her mom, but I never teased or bullied her again.

One thing that I have ever done that I regret
Agreeing to go out on a date with a certain DJ after a year of being friends and flirting like crazy during his gigs at bashes. I knew it was a bad idea from the beginning, but I went ahead and stifled that little voice in my head. I have never been so sorry in my life. That was the last date I went on before I met my current boo, Steve.

One thing I have ever done that was wrong but I didn't regret
I stole Steve's phone (which was dead), went and bought a charger for it, read his text messages, then called him and told him about the stolen phone (hence my first hilarious posts on this blog titled "psycho-gal"). In retrospect, that was the best thing I ever did for our relationship...LOL..I can feel some guys flinching...

Best revenge I have ever had
When I was in college as an undergrad, I had a Kenyan roommate that was actually the best roommate I've ever had in my life (as far as co-existing in the same space goes). Over the course of the year, we became good friends, so it came as a complete shock to me when I found out she was sleeping with my boyfriend. First thing I did was kick her out (we lived in the dorms, but I didn't care). She was a member of one of those online Kenyan forums and she had a sexy-sounding name and was very fond of bashing other people's looks whenever they posted their photos. Since she ain't all that good looking, I found the worst possible photo of her and posted it on that website. That post got over a thousand hits and all the comments the photo received were negative. I was very satisfied.

Worst fantasy
You know, hate is a very strong word. I generally don't hate people (at least not for very long), rather I dislike them and if they're really bad, like roommate above, I dislike them intensely. But, there's one person in my life that I hate and abhor for forever screwing me over. For that person, I always fantasize that they die a very slow and painful death that involves beatings, torture, and eventually, fire. Yeah.

Worst lie I ever told
As an undergrad, I was one of those studious students that every teacher loves. One day, after a weekend rendezvous, I woke up to the realization that I had an exam that week that I totally forgot about. Since I would need more that the two days I had to study if I wanted to get an A, I wrote my prof an email and told him that I was out of town for a funeral (I don't even remember whose funeral I said it was). I skipped class that week and after the exam, I went to his office and started sobbing uncontrollably (out of guilt), saying I was having a hard time concentrating and I didn't think I could take the test and pass. Well, that day I learned it pays to be a teacher's pet. Let's just say I didn't have to take the exam and wrote a paper instead. I still feel guilty and I could never look the prof in the eye after that. I didn't even go to him for a recommendation letter, even though I knew his would probably be one of the strongest letters I will ever get in my life.

One person I would kill if I could get away with it
See "worst fantasy" above

Moment I wish I could reverse
One summer, my family took a road trip and I somehow met a Kenyan guy that was everything a girl could ask for. He was doing his Ph.D, was very hot, and after a few hours spent together, I knew he had a good personality. We exchanged email addresses and kept in touch for a year. The next summer, I decided to do an internship at his school, and of course this was a fling waiting to happen. Back then, I was still a commitment phobe, so I made it very clear that this was a summer fling and nothing more. On my very last day there before I left, he used the "L" word. My reaction is something I wish I could take back. I've broken plenty of hearts, but I've never hurt a guy as bad as I hurt him.

One (bad?) thing I would really really like to do before I die
Make out with another girl...

There, now I can get ready for class. Looks like I'll be making plenty of trips to Starbucks to help me get through the day :(

Life Sure Ain't a Bed of Roses

I just looked at my last post and it seems like that post was written a decade ago. I still can't believe it's only been five months since the year started on a sour note politically and spiralled downhill from there in my own personal life. While I was posting about blogging responsibly and trying to get together my friends and family to donate to the victims of election violence, I had no idea that my own family was about to fall victim to the sudden violence that creeped up on us. From there, it was one piece of bad news after another. I will probably get to blog about some of it in the coming weeks.

Amid all the tribulations, I can still look back and be thankful that things were not worse. I was afraid that I would somehow lose my spot in med school after my grades went south due to all the personal ish I was trying to deal with, but I do thank God that somehow, I made it through and will be matriculating in August. Another lesson learnt: never underestimate the power of love, be it from family, friends, or a lover. It makes all the difference in the world.

Special thanks to the few concerned bloggers that sent me emails wondering where I disappeared off to. I'm back now. My posts might be a little intermittent, but they'll be there nonetheless!

Online Donations for Violence Victims

Like many KBW members, I have been in search of an organization that's currently involved in the humanitarian efforts in Kenya and accepts online donations. As Mutumia's post indicates, such organizations are scarce to come by.

I have contacted the Adventist Development and Relief Agency (ADRA) and requested that they put up a link on their parent web page so people can donate online specifically for the Kenyan victims. As it stands, they do have a branch in Kenya and they are responding in the humanitarian efforts, but like the Kenya Red Cross Society, ADRA Kenya's website does not have a provision for credit card donation. The earliest I'll get any feedback from them is Monday. I'm praying that this works. We really need a place to make donations.

Let me also take this opportunity to thank everyone who is working to help our country in whatever way they can. And to the KBW community, please remember: BLOG RESPONSIBLY and be mindful of the kind of comments you make.

Where Did We Go Wrong?

I'm not one to write about politics, but after all that's going on, how can I not? My dear Kenyans, what have we done? How did we allow things to go so wrong? I don't recall ever crying over something I've read or heard in the news, but every time I hear about the chaos that have descended upon our beloved country, I can't help but weep. I weep for the many innocent people that are being killed mercilessly in the name of elections. I weep for my fellow Kenyans that are sitting in their homes in Kenya, not knowing what's going on outside the walls of their homes.

After hearing about all the ethnic hatred and supposed ("supposed" because I don't have any "proof" aside from word of mouth) massacre of Kikuyus in Nyanza, I found myself wondering what fate holds for those Luos in Kikuyu land. Immediately, one of my good friends popped to mind and I decided to call her and make sure she and her family are ok. She told me that some people in her neighborhood were going around looking for Luos two days ago and she hasn't come out of the house so she doesn't know if those people are still there waiting.

I was surprised to hear about the extent of the gag order on the media. She has no idea what else has happened in Kenya since Kibaki was sworn in, and all she knows is that there are protests but doesn't know how bad things really are. She has no idea what Raila said about the Uhuru Park meeting at his last press conference. She lamented about the inability of both the government and the opposition leaders to communicate directly to people via the media. She and her family are scared to death.

I am appalled at the sentiments being carelessly expressed online by both ODM and PNU supporters. Despite the fact that Kibaki has won, it doesn't matter that you supported or even voted for him. In my opinion, there is no cause for celebration when the country has degenerated into violence and people are being killed. These same people dying could end up being your family or friends, and even if they aren't, there's still no reason to celebrate when innocent Kenyans are shedding blood and the landscape of Kenya is quickly appearing to be a war zone. Hold your horses and pray for peace.

And those in ODM. Yes, a lot of things went wrong with the results. Still, that's no reason to start preaching hatred and calling for the killing of Kikuyus. Whoever holds these sentiments should be deeply ashamed and needs to seriously do a self evaluation and some soul searching. You can't sit in the comfort of your home abroad and spread hate and death on your brothers and sisters when you know damn well that you are safely tucked away. Think of your brothers and sisters back home.

It doesn't matter whether you're Kikuyu, Luo, or any other tribe. When there's violence, death is indiscriminate. In the end, we will all suffer as Kenyans. Please, let's put our political and tribal differences aside and join together as one nation. We fought too hard for peace and freedom, and no single person is worth throwing it all away in a day. Let's all play a role in restoring peace in our beloved Kenya. And we can start right here on the internet.

PLEASE, BLOG RESPONSIBLY!!!

What Breed is THIS?!

Now, in my short lifetime, I've had the (mis)fortune of meeting men that are truly from Mars, although sometimes I do wonder if some of these creatures haven't mutated and become totally new aliens, even to their fellow Martians. Seriously, what kinds of men do these things? Take for example Mr. Desperate. I had a semester long class with him and aside from acknowledging each other as the only two black students in that class, we didn't have much else in common and to that effect, we never hang out outside of class. Even in class, only polite words were exchanged. So imagine my surprise when at the end of the semester, the guy decides to propose. Yes! PROPOSE!! And he wasn't kidding. No! He was dead serious and he had a ring(a cheap one, but that's beside the point) and even went ahead to give me this long speech about how beautiful, smart, yadda yadda yadda I am. I was so shocked, I simply stared and didn't say a word.

Then there's Mr. Manipulator. When I met him, he seemed cool enough. He was an army sergeant so my first thought was "at least he's disciplined". Everything was going great on the first couple of dates. He was funny, charming, smart, etc. The first sign of trouble came two weeks later when he picked me up from school and his first question was "You didn't go to class looking like that, did you? Cuz I'm the only one that should be seeing your fine booty." Ok! I was wearing capris and a tank top...big freakin' deal. The next day, he went out and bought me an expensive (and by expensive, I mean EXPENSIVE) diamond necklace, which I promptly returned. That's when his true colors came out. He started throwing a tantrum like a 2-year-old and I decided to break up with him. Little did I know that I had just exposed myself to a stalker. He started calling me and begging me to give him a chance, threatened to kill himself, and even said he was being deployed to Iraq so I should give him a reason to go off and fight and come back alive. Of course the calls were ignored. Then I would find him outside my apartment and he would cry and cry and cry and make more suicide threats. I filed a complaint with the police, but since my lease had expired anyway, I moved to a different apartment and switched my cell number. He still managed to track me down, but thank God for restraining orders!

But the one who wins it all is Mr. Desperate-Weirdo. Now this one, our moms were classmates in high school. He must, therefore, feel like he has a divine right to me or something. To a casual observer, he is smart (let me add "very" for effect), very BOOK smart. We somehow found ourselves travelling down the same career path and he took this to be a God-sent sign that he and I were meant to be. Nothing remotely romantic has ever happened between us, but he has never made his "love" for me secret. He even goes around telling people that he and I are dating and we're gonna get married when we're done with med school. Did I mention how much I loathe this guy? He has done and said a lot of inappropriate and offensive things and no matter how much I try to tell him to leave me alone, he just doesn't get it. The fact that our parents are such good friends makes it that much harder to get rid of him. Despite all the weird stuff he's ever done (including calling my parents to request a meeting to discuss dowry...yeah, dude's on crack), nothing beats his latest BS. He called me early in the morning to tell me about a dream he had. This dream happens to be erotic and the idiot proceeded to start narrating the details of our supposed sex act. I did cut him short and was so mortified that I couldn't help but wonder if he's NORMAL. Really, what kind of guys go around telling girls they're not dating that they've been fantasizing and jerking off on their account? Maybe Martians can enlighten this poor Venusian on these things, or do you also think these guys are mutants?